Mourning Someone Who Has Died

[MaineGirl]

Rick, my husband of almost 33 years passed away 7 years ago today, just about this time.
The dates of his birthday and our marriage and this date, always sneak up on me, but they always come to the forefront of my consciousness
Not something that bothers me so much. It does however bring the feelings to the forefront and affects many things.
I still miss him. These are the days I ask all the 'what ifs'.
I know he's out there somewhere and he is still with me on and off.
I still love you Rick and when I remember so many things, you still make me laugh. One of your many gifts to me.

Am just now getting caught up here...

Love to you ((((((Linda))))) 

[MaineGirl]

I am going to a funeral on wedneday and Ivre only ever been to 2 funerals in my life, (my great uncle when I was 9 and my beloved Nanny Noo, whos went by in a blur of tears and heartbreak so  i dont remember much about it) anyway this is for a lady that I always thought of as my other Nan as she was a mad irish lady too, she was my cousins best friends mum and I saw her alot and have known her since i was a baby. she passed away last friday at the age of 71 after fighting cancer bravely for over 10 years, she will be greatly missed but I am just greaful she is not in pain anymore cos the last few years she really suffered I am going to support the family who are the loveliest people you will ever meet,it will be very sad, and I am going to try to support them as much as I can, I will also get to meet the irish part of her family that still live in ireland that she told me so much about, I just hope I can get through it without being a complete mess

(((((Marz)))) 

I hope you made it through all right.  The important thing is that you were there for her and for her family.

[MaineGirl]

My aunt, my father's sister, died yesterday, aged 99.  I don't feel a great sorrow because she had deteriorated very much in the last couple of years and did not have much of a life (she was fantastic still in her early 90s), but there is sadness in that she was the last of my parents' siblings. We were all so fond of her - a lively, strong-minded lady who was full of fun. My father's brother died in the 2nd WW, his other sister earlier this year, aged 96, and he himself died in 1967, so their lifespans have been so very different.  I like to think of them all together again.

(((((Sara)))))

[MaineGirl]

Tony, I feel the same as you, I think. I try not to remember the dates of my parents' deaths, though I think of them very often. I just think that I would want my children not to focus on that with me either. But I know of course that everyone needs to grieve in their own way.

My father died after a year of illness, and my mother after 6 weeks of slow dying after a stroke (and following 3 years of increasing dementia).  It was very difficult for me for a long time to remember them as they used to be, but now I find it much easier.

For the longest time after my father died I remembered the exact day and time, but as the years have passed (16 now) I have to think hard to remember the specific date.  I tend now to think of the happy times, especially on his birthday, and to concentrate on my father, not as he was at the end, but as I have always known him.  Sometimes the littlest snippet of a memory... something he said or that made me laugh or a quiet moment together.. just pops into my head.  It took a long time for these thoughts to outweigh the thoughts of grief and sadness, but now they do. 

I will always miss him, so very much and the grief never goes away, but for me he has changed with time.  As you say, Sara, everyone grieves in their own way.

[MaineGirl]

Oh I now what you mean....

It's the same for me.

Am right now going through the week when my father died, I think it's five years now. But I dont' remember the exact day anymore. It affects me very much and maybe it always will this time of the year.

((((((((Mia)))))) 

I know this time of year is very difficult for you and you were in my thoughts even though I haven't been here much to post.

Sending you love and strength... 
 
   

[MaineGirl]

You are right about remembering dates. I don't for my father and grandparents.
I guess with Rick, his birthday (12/1) and the date he died (12/15) and Christmas are all close together and so the dates stick. This may change as the years pass. Not sure. But as you all say, they are always with us and some small thing occurs that reminds us of them all the time, not just on anniversary dates.

I see my sons and see Rick, I get their humor and it is Rick's.......so lots of good reminding!

Beautifully said!

[MaineGirl]

Hugs from me, too.  I have been thinking about my departed loved ones during this season.  So many.

(((((Mark)))))

[MaineGirl]

((((Jess, Mike, Linda))))) 

[jack]

as several of you may know, i'm not one given to mourning... but i surely know that feeling of "moving to the head of the line".  after my father's death, mom and i BOTH moved to the top of our respective generations, where we both remain tenuously perched, each in our own way "garaged for the duration".

let me tell you, i feel that chilly breeze on my nether regions.

although there is nothing in me sorrowing over journeys ended, i find more often than i expected remembering how darned handy my father was, and how kind to almost everyone.  the battle scars have pretty much faded away and its easier to see how much of what i respect about myself had its genesis in my upbringing, flawed though it might have been.  although i remember my father more in his dotage, i most remember my mother as a young professional woman, quite daring in her way, as long as dad had her back.  the later years of my dad's illnesses and after weren't so good, and a person whose motor is fear is hard to be with.

and so it goes...

[Marz]

Miss you Nanny Noo, love you so much, can't believe its been 4 years, it was the worst day of my life and i didnt want to believe it, I couldnt believe it, I was the one being strong as everyone else fell apart, it was so sudden, I never got the chance to say goodbye, think about you every day, I still cant mention your name as mum breaks down into tears, I dont know if I am ever gonna get over loosing you, I dont know if I want to

sorry if that didnt make much sense, i just had to get all my feelings out

[Sason]

(((((((Marz)))))))

[Marz]

Thanks (((Sonja))) i'm always glad when the 17th of this month is over, I wish we could go from the 16th to the 18th, i dont want the 17th to exsist, Heaths family's and Michelle probably think the same about the 22nd
my mum doesnt like the 17th of jan or the 31st of may which is when her dad passed away in 1986, i think everyone hates the date loved ones passed away, we try to focus on their birthdays instead

[Sason]

I think focusing on the birthday instead is a good thing to do.

That way you can celebrate their life and all the good memories you have of them!

[Marz]

yes and I will have those memories forever

[fritzkep]

((((((((Marz)))))))))