Coming out: how and why?

[tfferg]

A terrific article from Melbourne about a hockey player coming out to his team. The author is one of his team-mates.
The discussion by readers includes some really very good comments explaining why coming out is so important to gay people.

Pots, parmas and coming out: a lesson in understanding
Andrew Beck
October 27, 2011 - 6:00AM


Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/pots-parmas-and-coming-out-a-lesson-in-understanding-20111026-1mjgm.html#ixzz1bx1BHmqo

[tfferg]

This article has the link to elite hockey player Gus Johnston's coming out video on YouTube, "The reality of homophobia in sport"

b]Playing it straight [/b]
Nicole Brady
October 23, 2011

http://www.theage.com.au/national/playing-it-straight-20111022-1mdj3.html#ixzz1bx3638dc

[CellarDweller115]

'White Collar's' Matt Bomer Officially Comes Out as Gay at Awards Show

The Hollywood Reporter

White Collar star Matt Bomer officially came out as gay on Saturday when he publicly thanked his partner Simon Halls and their three children while accepting an award.

The star of USA's hit series attended the Steve Chase Humanitarian Awards this weekend, and received the New Generation Arts and Activism Award for his efforts in the fight against HIV/AIDS. 

“I'd really especially like to thank my beautiful family: Simon, Kit, Walker, Henry," he said onstage. "Thank you for teaching me what unconditional love is. You will always be my proudest accomplishment."




http://tv.yahoo.com/news/white-collars-matt-bomer-officially-comes-gay-awards-175502789.html

[bentgyro]

I like him in white collar and always thought that he was too cute to be straight

[Marz]

a few weeks ago, my boss came out to the staff in the office as gay (please dont mention anything on fb, hes my friend on there!) hes only 31 and has been married for over 11 years and he has two young children, he now has a male partner, who he is very happy with, although his wife hit the roof when she found out and has banned him from seeing the kids, im not sure weather hes always known and got married cos he thought that was the 'right' thing to do (im not saying it was by the way!) his dad passed away a few months ago and seems to have only come to terms with his sexuallity since his dads death, or maybe he always knew and didnt wanna say anything while his dad was alive (does that happen?) he does seem alot happier now but saying that his emotions are all over the place and we are sort of tip toe-ing around him in the office, hope this makes sense, sorry for rambling, any advice for me?

[donna]

You will be a good friend to him, Marz.  Your experiences here on the forum will help you find the words that others will have difficulty finding.

I'm sure his wife hit the roof when she found out.  That is totally understandable.

If his goal is to be a good Dad to his kids, that will come first and be the most important thing, regardless of his orientation or marital status.

Good luck to him.

And he is lucky to have you as a worker and friend.

Sometimes, all you have to do is listen.

[chapeaugris]

Asking him (in private) if he's seen Brokeback Mountain could be a way to break the ice. He might have been afraid to see it six years ago. You could offer to lend it to him if he hasn't, and mention you were very affected by it and know many others who were. Knowing how you feel about the movie would give him an idea of where you stand with him.

[janjo]

That seems good advice, Marz. What a difficult situation for you and his family. My first thought was that at least his wife is still young enough to make a new life for herself. She must feel very stunned and hurt now, but loving a gay man is being on a hiding to nothing. Perhaps when she realises the full implications of the situation she will be a little kinder to her husband, and more understanding of his need to see his children, and for them to understand and see him, and his partner.
At least your boss has a new man who can support him, and the fact that he is much happier shows he has made the right decision.

I think after all we have learned on this forum over the years, you will be a very good support for him in time of trouble.

[Rob in Puyallup]

Marz,

Losing a parent (or both of them) can certainly bring some serious changes to one's life. I lost my mother in August of 2004, my father in January 2006. Within less than 2 months after my dad died I came out of the closet. Had always known that I was gay.

Brokeback Mountain had a lot to do with the coming to terms with myself.

[fofol]

Most people confuse sexuality, sex, and love.  Sexuality is who you are, even when who you are is known only to yourself.  Sex is the zing that keeps us all interested (and interesting) for the first sixty or seventy years or so (and more, if you're into it).  And love is that feeling we have that makes us need to share ourselves with someone else, so often a certain someone else that we come to believe, sometimes, that there is only one one and only.  Your boss needs someone like you who knows these differences and when and how to let him in on the information - you have the advantage of some of the best people in the world posting in this forum, people you've known now for possibly as long as six years - and your Brokie friends are folks who know what they're talking about. Best of luck to his wife, may she someday be able to breathe deeply enough, and exhale slowly enough that the light gets in and she can move on and drop the hate...

Homophobia - what kept him in the closet - is the worst enemy for most people because it doesn't look like the worst thing that could happen.  Love does conquer all in human relationships, if only we could reliably find the right kind when we need it.

[CellarDweller115]

Just bumping up my story here, as a way to celebrate National Coming Out Day.







Hello everyone.

I have not been in this thread for some time, and when I reviewed it, I realized that I expressed some opinions on coming out, but never really told my story.


It was New Year's Eve 1996.  I was at a New Year's Eve party with some very close friends, who I had known for a number of years.  We were sitting around and talking, and of course, drinking.  One of the people I was closest to was my friend Corrine.  I had come to know her when she dated my younger brother, and when they broke up, our friendship remained intact.  She was engaged to her fiancé, Mike, and he and I struck up a conversation.

I told him how much Corrine meant to me, and I was happy for her and Mike.  I then mentioned that I wasn't sure how Mike felt about me, since I was the brother of his fiancé's "ex".  His reply startled me.

"Chuck, I believe that you are a tortured soul.  I think you have a lot on your mind, and that you really won't be happy until you admit what you need to."

I looked at him, and I could see the expression of concern on his face.  My closet door had been shut very tightly, and he had just turned the doorknob, and let some light in.  I looked at him, and told him he was right, and that I needed to come out.  He looked at me, and smiled, and asked if I wanted to keep this "between you and I", and I told him no, to send Corinne over, so I could tell her.

Cor came over and sat next to me, and I told her, and she hugged me and smiled, and told me she was proud of me, and that I had to tell everyone!  My heart was in my throat, but just at that moment, the countdown to the ball dropping started, and she and I ran off to be with everyone.  I thought to myself "Saved by the bell, or ball".  We all shouted "Happy New Year", toasted, kissed and hugged, and sat down.....and then Cor turned to everyone and said...."Hey everyone, Chuck has something to say!" and reached over, touched my knee and said, "Go ahead, Chuck."

I wanted a hole to open up and swallow me, but I took a slug of beer, and made my announcement.  It was the right place and the right time, I had much love and support from everyone there.  When we all said good-bye, Mike came to me, and gave me the longest, hardest hug.  I felt like everything would be ok.  I woke up the next morning with such a feeling of peace.  It was that day that I started telling everyone that I could.  I called and told friends over the phone, my brothers, my parents, my coworkers.  After Mike opened that door for me, I kicked it open the rest of the way.

Time in the closet had NOT been kind to me.  I let worry, stress, and abuse from others take a toll.  I was close to 300lbs, and had massed a large debt, since the only things that I allowed to make me happy were eating and shopping.  I looked at myself, and realized I was bitter, sarcastic, and all I had achieved in life at that point was 4 maxed out credit cards, a maxed out line of credit, and a loan, all being paid back late.

It was time to make changes.  I had already faced my greatest fear....I had come out.  Everything else was a piece of cake.  The first one was my job.  After 10 years in the last one, I handed in my resignation, and  moved into the banking field.  The next change was my weight.  It was time to stop hiding behind a wall of fat.  I started a diet and exercise program.  Then, there was my finances.  It was time to find other ways to make me happy, and I put myself on a strict budget.

Life has since been on an upswing.  I've been at my current career for nearly 10 years.  I got myself enrolled in the employee stock options program, and the 401K program, and have a nice sum saved up for retirement.  I've managed to work my way from 285lbs to 215lbs.  (I've since gained some weight back, but am back on my diet/exercise program-and have recently lost 25lbs, and am working back down to that 215 mark-only 10lbs away).  I've purchased my first new car ever.  With the exception of my new car, I've paid off all my bills, and cut up all my credit cards.  I also paid off my loan and the line of credit.  I've gotten two tattoos to celebrate my coming out, and the goals I've achieved.  One is Asian lettering on my right arm, that says "Strength", "Pride", and "Endurance".  On the left arm, two Celtic knots, with a pink triangle in between them.

I found the courage to put up two personal ads, and met a few guys.  Not much happened, but I was putting myself out there, and finding ways to make myself happy.  Then I saw Brokeback Mountain, and joined this forum.  I've never met such a close community online.  We've shared such painful stories and secrets with each other, turned to each other for support, and received encouragement and love from each other.  Then, something wonderful happened.  I had the great fortune to meet a great man who is a member of this forum.  We "clicked", and started a relationship that lasted for 7 months.  Although we are not together as a couple now, my time with him was wonderful, and it was a life experience that I look on with fondness.  I've learned from him, and I'm sure he can say the same about me.

My reason for posting this now?  Well, there are two reasons:

First, I posted it, hoping that perhaps those who are still in the closet may read it, and understand that when you come out, positive things can happen.  I don't know where my life would be now, if I was still in that closet, in the dark, and in the loneliness.  Yes, there is great fear regarding coming out.  I won't deny that.  But in life, if you want something, you have to take the risk, or become stagnant.  I have no regrets with my "coming out".

Second, this is my 16,000th post to the forum, and this New Year's Eve, is my 10 year anniversary being out.  I wanted to share this story with you all now, because you all have come to mean so much to me, in such a short peroid of time.  I wanted you all to know that so much has happened to me in the past 10 years, and even though you have only been here for a year, you all are a part of that.  I appreciate the PMs, the banter in the threads, the phone calls, the visits and everything that has come to pass.  You have all had an affect on me, and become a part of the story that is "Chuck".

I could not have asked for a better cast of characters, and am proud to share the stage with you, in this play called "life".

I love you all.


Chuck

[CellarDweller115]

[Cally]

What a wonderful story (((Chuck))).  Love you too .

[Rob in Puyallup]

Big hugs coming to you, Little Brother!

[Ennis Del Mark]

Chuck, what a great story.  Smiling through my tears after reading it.  We share a lot of the same story. Hugs and tickles and all the best to you today!