Dave Cullen Forum - The 3rd Anniversary

[Zudos]

This is indeed a timely thread… I was recently reflecting and reading some of the first posts made by people, or first insightful posts made… It was amazing some of the things I read from people that I have come to know and love so much…

I would recommend this to anyone.

Do you remember how you found this forum? 

I knew NOTHING about BBM, but I had read That Ole Ace in the Hole by Annie Proulx and loved it. I followed this by reading The Shipping News, and was then thoroughly disappointed by the film.

So whilst browsing the BBC site in Autumn 05, I noticed that a film was to be released about another AP novel, Brokeback Mountain. It was a Saturday afternoon and I remember heading straight to the bookshop (AP books are heavy going, and I wanted to make sure I had read it before I saw anything about the film). I was very pleased to see that it was a Novella. Came home and started reading….

40 minutes later I was in pieces. Could not believe what I had read! I re-read it the next day…

I am not sure how much time passed before I found the forum, or Dave’s blog, but I was overjoyed to be reading others thoughts on the book, and the imminent release of the film… I felt very voyeuristic reading others thoughts, but eventually took courage and made a few comments/posts. Greg befriended me, and to be honest got me through the next couple of months… And then as he was so instrumental in setting up the forum…         

Do you remember the day you joined?

I looked at the forum the day it was ‘live’ but was overwhelmed and scared at its shear size (I was a forum virgin!) and felt too exposed to join… Greg kept talking to me, and one day when we were on the telephone he insisted that I register which I did. I was terrified that someone might recognise me, so chose a different screen name ‘Zudos’ – made up on the spot – rather than my posts as Berkeley through the blog, (and being British its pronounced Barc-ley rather than the American university of Berk-ley)… 

Did you immediately jump into conversations?

After having the boost from Greg, I did post straight away as follows, in the main discussion…

At last - Brokeback Mountain hits England, although its only on selected release in London's West End until tomorrow...

The film is an amazing epitaph to the book - I was a little concerned about the ability to transfer Proulx novels to the big screen after so much was missed from The Shipping News... But I suppose this was a short story, translated into a moving depiction of missed opportunities, and fear of break from 'the norm'

Press so far this side of the pond has been good - i.e. reviews are recommending this as a must see film... I watched it today at 11.15am, and there were only about 20 people in the cinema, but this was mid morning on a 'school day' with the main release publicised as 6th January...

A few brief thoughts

1) Fantastic cinematography
2) Superb lead acting - although why so little Academy fever surrounds JG is beyond me... Jack was the more complex/multifaceted character to play - Maybe its just that HL shocked by being able to act
3) The main themes and images from the book were portrayed into the best scenes i.e. 'shirts finding', 'reunion 'electricity' hugging', and 'reconnection in love in the Motel room'

I do really hope that its as big a hit over here as it seems to have been over there...

Nice site guys...




It was my third post that I first wrote anything personal about myself, and on reflection am surprised it was so early, but it was veiled in an personal explanation and experience in the Were they gay? Thread…!   

It was a long time until I posted anything about my deep inner thoughts though.
 
Did your participation here change your life or behaviours in any way?

Absolutely.

My life as I knew it was lost. I was unhappy at work and was signed off sick quite a lot due to stress, which gave me time to immerse in the world of the forum rather than in, what came to be called in the forum ‘Real Life’.

I remember when particular day, when AlPerthUK and I were chatting with BBMBLiss on MSN in the morning, and after Bliss took the kiddies etc to school and came back 7 hours later, Al and I were still there…

My diet was Assam Tea and marmite on toast.

But I still remained completely locked within my life, of having a duplicitous sexuality and not knowing what to do about it…

Work ended fortunately with sufficient cash to travel in the summer of 2006…       

Did you do new things for the first time that were related to the movie or this forum?

Travelling to USA to meet and stay with people that I had never met before…

Jackie, Painted Shoes met me at the airport in Washington DC, and took me straight to meet Fritz and all his soldier friends…

WOW – What a first time experience…! Meeting people that I had only talked to and befriended on-line!

The first few days of my trip were an eye opening experience.

Jackie pointed out men and asked me if I was attracted to them….!!!! SHOCK! I had never spoken out aloud to another person about my recent guy experiences! I had to tell her I was not comfortable talking face to face about such things!!!!!!!!!!

All that changed by Texas, following which in part I posted:

New Experiences for me:

1) I have never been one for kissing anyone on the lips, unless it was someone that I am/was intimate with, but everyone exuded so much love that it felt natural to kiss people constantly, and on the lips too... I felt so close to so many people, and this was an extension of that closeness...

2) Crying almost constantly for three days... From Sunday evening until Wednesday morning... I have nothing against crying but I just do not do it much... Sunday, I had to say goodbye to people and it started to make me sad, and by the evening when I had to say goodbye to some very special people, it nearly broke my heart, and I (the one who hardly ever cries, and especially not in public) could not stop the flow of tears, and in a hotel car park to boot... Thanks to the one (you know who you are), who gave me a big hug in the hotel and cheered me up... I cried about the loss of physically being with these people, through the next day and then onto further losses until Wednesday...

I see my sexuality as a bit of a 'floating voter' i.e. that it depends who comes along... and who I fall for, whether that be male or female... But since I discovered my duplicity, I have not had the chance to be so openly flirty in front of a group of guys... Jackie can testify that when I was in Washington at the beginning of my trip, when she asked whether I found guys attractive, it was difficult for me to have the conversation in person, rather than messing around on the forum... By the time the BBQ was over, I was openly ogling all the sexy men there, and on the streets etc - This was also greatly assisted by spending time with Gnash who is constantly taking interest in most guys, on the streets, in the malls, in the petrol stations, and even wolf whistling at some guys on bicycles...

I do not even know where to start with how much people meant to me at the BBQ...

There were those that I was already close to through the forum, and getting to know these in real life, to me, only deepened what I felt for them, and I love them all dearly...

There were also so many great new surprises... People that I did not know, or had only had brief interaction with on the forum, that are now very dear to me, and warmed my heart...

I am so grateful to you all for becoming good friends, and I really hope to see you all again at some point...

So overall it was a beautiful time in my life, and one that I will never ever forget.. Thanks to all of you that made it special for me, and allowed my person to grow in such a short space of time...   


So now 2 ½ years later, where I am…

Well I am not great at huge constant change…And I respect so many people on the forum, who have made enormous change.

But I learned a new lesson this summer at the Oxford Gathering… This was a fabulous event, which also gave me the privilege of saying a proper goodbye to Jackie… BUT after I went to the film viewing, I realised that I do not now need to evoke such emotion as I felt in 2006 to make changes. That is forever changed in me. In fact I do not want to watch BBM in a group setting again, its too emotionally draining when I do not need to feel that way right now.

It was a vehicle for change, and I now know how to do it myself. In fact in the last 6 months I have made an enormous change, which was tough and difficult, but its about sticking to your resolve and knowing that EVERY decision you make has consequences, and every experience even the bad are learning experiences…

Chuck thanks for the chance to be really introspective, it has been really valuable for me…

Before this topic came up I was reading some of the first posts of some of my close friends on the forum. Its interesting to see how people have changed too…     

You may also use this thread to discuss your favourite memories here.  You may talk about older posts, discussions, pictures, trips.

If nothing else, I'm glad to have this movie kick me in the butt and stir me up some, no matter how uncomfortable the self examination may be.  I don't want to be alone in some trailer out on the front range (which of course can occur in the middle of Manhattan), or be a "damaged" jerk

So I guess I'm just sitting here rambling toward a conclusion, thinking about some of the things I've taken with me from this story: get a move on, take risks, put myself out there, and most importantly, be open and welcoming, and true hearted.

I just wanted to let all of you nice people know that you guys are a breath of fresh air. I am so blessed to have come across this, call it fate, I don't know. I can relate to all the replies and catch myself wanting to cry. Isn't that silly?

For some reason I feel emptiness in me that I thought never existed

But I've also looked for themes that reach my soul, that connect to the part of me that longs, that dreams, that hopes, that feels.  Brokeback Mountain answers questions for me:  sometimes loving is worth the pain..."better to have loved and lost...";  finding the one person who loves you truly is always worthwhile;  settling for less can be soul-killing.

Today I realized why BBM has such an impact on me. It as a movie about passion, love and choices. I finally had to face mine.

But for now I am dealing with all the pain and misery of my past and in a way I am very thankful, cause it was hidden in me and I wasn’t getting anywhere. now because of the film I dare to be open about me, about my feelings, about who I really am.
I still have a lot to do and I cant do it alone

I think BBM might have a life-changing impact on me. Saw it twice in three days, am completely worn out from the emotional effects now.

The feeling of being wasting my time, of having lost too many opportunities, of having freezed my feelings being too much scared of the pain - though I perfectly know it's an unavoidable aspect of every relationship -, this feeling doesn't leave me.

[Zudos]

John, thank you so much for making Jackie part of this...

[janjo]

How did I first find the forum?

Well, I had seen the film in January, and had been reduced to a snivelling wreck, I was also walking about unable to concentrate because I couldn't get it out of my mind. I just saw visions of Ennis retching in the alley, because he couldn't be honest with himself, or with Jack, and tell him how much he loved him and wanted to be with him.
I wrote reviews of the film on any site that gave me the opportunity.
I discovered IheartJake and posted there, even though I knew I was probably 40 years older than most of their members. Still I was searching.
I went on the official Brokeback Mountain film site. I bought the soundtrack, I bought the book.
I worried and worried at what had actually happened to Jack when he met his death. Had Lureen had him killed? What about the "ranch neighbour?" Was Jack really planning to leave Ennis for another man?
Worry, worry, worry. My mind never stopped.
I went back to IheartJake. Someone there mentioned there was this other site, "it was mostly older people and it was a bit porny at times."
Could I cope with porny?
I decided I could if I could find someone writing something I could understand about Brokeback Mountain.
I clicked on a link.
Several hours of reading later my husband said, "How many more hours are you going to be on that computer?"
I couldn't stop, I read and read and read.
I thought I had never found anything so wonderful.
After a week or two I thought I had better join, because I had something I wanted to say. I made up a screen name, thought I would make one or two postings.
Well you know the rest.
I was hooked.

Has it changed my life?

Yes! Especially our wonderful get together in Oxford. All those people brought together because of a film. I'm about as heterosexual as it gets, but I would always fight strongly for the rights of my gay friends.

The forum and the friends I have made here are one of the best things I have ever done in my life.

I am so proud of us.

[desertrat]

the topic of the week made me think again....in short:

i found the forum right after i read the book, in december 2005. that was 3 months before the movie showed on the theatres here. i didn't post right away...it took me almost 5 months before i dared posting. i was afraid i would be thrown out again, that nobody wanted to hear what i have to say. did it change me? well, about a year later i told several people in no uncertain words that i have very right to be here, just like everbody else, so go figure 

my life has changed a lot since 2005, not all influenced by BBM - much was due to my job and my other interests and hobbies. still, i'm sure my experiences here have influenced a lot....and i'm immesurably grateful to the movie, this place and all of you for this great experience!

[TwistEnnis]

Guess there's something about this time of year that causes us to reflect back on those early forum days. 

For me...I watched Brokeback for the first time December 31, 2005, in Boston, after reading the short story many times and becoming obsessed with it.  Like most of us here, I couldn't get it out of my head.   I found the forum the night of the Oscar's travesty and lurked for quite some time, posting here and there on rare occasions.

After some time I decided to venture out,.. I found Auntie's Diner and was soon chatting with Jackie, Fritz, Linda, Chuck, Nellie, and several others. 

At home, I was teetering on the edge of a 15 year tumultuous relationship and Brokeback gave me the gut check I needed to make a drastic change in my life.  That, and a few strong words from a friend that I'd needed to hear, which put things in perspective for me. 

I moved out on my own and struggled to find my way, but I did it.    Eventually, I became close with a certain forum member    and we hit it off...long distance and all.  Now, 3 years after seeing Brokeback Mountain, I'm riding out my final semester of Grad School and in six short, yet very long months, I'll be moving across country to be with the guy of my dreams...that person I knew was out there waiting for me, the guy I had in my head that I couldn't wait to love and take care of.  And he's finally here.....   

I don't always understand why or how life takes us in the directions it does, but I know for me, Brokeback and this forum had a HUGE impact on my life - one I'll always cherish, treasure and look back at fondly and be thankful for.  And of course, our angel Jackie, who knew what she was doing all along.  I have no doubts about why she was in my life for such a short time, and I'm blessed for having that time with her. 

I don't make it around these parts near as much as I used to or post frequently anymore.......but I want to wish all of you - people I've chatted with or befriended, folks I met at Bay City, others who have befriended me -  a Merry Christmas/happy holidays and a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2009. 

Mitchell

[Dave Cullen]

happy third anniversary, everyone. (1 hour 14 minutes early).

this time three years ago, i think i was just arriving at my part-time consulting company's corporate apartment. greg and meli and i were scrambling to test out the site and change it around. i remember being in the downstairs there on the computer up way too late, and then halfway into christmas eve, dicking around with a hundred little changes, making all three of us late to our relatives' houses.

finally, we said, "enough!" we'll just take a chance on it being imperfect, and put it up.

my memory says that was around 2 or 3 or 4 in the afternoon, but i could be wrong.

this year, i planned to write an anniversary post weeks ago, but like i ever do anything early. hahaha.

so now it's dec 23, and i've got an early flight in the morning, but wanted to share some good wishes.

it was a hell of a year for me. less of me on the forum, because yet another book deadline, and this time they meant it. hahaha. no way i was moving that tenth anniversary of the massacre. so i went through about a zillion edits, and just got the first bound galleys. they're cool.

looking forward to hopefully spending a bit more time here.

it was quite a year on the forum, too--starting out with the shocking news of heath dying. i didn't even believe it was real at first, but someone sent me a link to the NY Times story, and i figured that was legit. the silver lining was seeing how everyone came together.

as a political addict, it was amazing to have this group here to share the whole election season, which meant more than a full year. that was one hell of a ride, too--up and down, for some more than others, depending who we were backing, but the country seems very happy with where we've landed on that score. i am.

i'm glad that we have all sorts of different threads for different people to hang out in. i've always been partial to the arts/ent areas and politics, so that's where you'll usually find me. i'm probably in tv too much, as i haven't had much time to get out to movies this year. two hours at a time--man, that's a deep investment. i used to spend most of my time in films--which is how this whole thing got started--and i hope to return there.

who knows, i may even read a book next month.

and i know who i'll want to share it with.

happy holidays, everyone. and enjoy another eventful year. good or bad, and probably both, it will be nice to have you guys to share it with.

d

[AHappyMan]

Someone there mentioned there was this other site, "it was mostly older people and it was a bit porny at times."

Porny ?? ??

 

[janjo]

 

[CellarDweller115]

I saw Brokeback the first time on Dec. 26th.  The day after Christmas.  It hit me hard, and I had already decided that I was going to take as many of my friends as I could to see it.

But that meant I needed to find someone to talk to about this movie.

I was a member of other online forums, so I went to Google and searched on Brokeback Mountain.  After sifting through some articles, I found the forum.

I searched around for a bit, and then placed my first post.

Yes, I agree that we should be taking as many straight people that we can to this film.

I took my mom (hey, stop laughing...... ) to a showing today in NJ.  The crowd was very mixed (gays and straights, young and old), and the showing was sold out, and the next one was as well.  Two of the workers in the theater was saying it was a very busy movie, selling more (in that theater anyway) then "Memiors of a Geisha" "Munich" and "Good Night & Good Luck".

I plan on going back next week with 4 friends.

The same day I joined, no lurking for me. 


While I know my friends here in NJ love me, I felt understood by the members of the forum.  The first time I went to a group gathering to Brokeback was NYC, where I met Jack, Estefue, Desperadum, Seeker, Wiley, BrokebackLJ, and others.

As I became more open on the forum, I was approached by two different members who were interested in me.  I met both of the guys (at different times, of course!  ) and was open to relationships.  One didn't get past a week.  The other lasted about 7 months.  While neither was permanent, they marked a change in me where I allowed myself to get closer to someone, and I realized I enjoyed the contact.....physical, emotional, and spiritual.

I was always a home body.......figured I'd live and die in NJ.  In the past 3 years, I've been to 12 states, and to the UK, all for meeting the members here.  I feel in love with Estes Park, Co.,  and think it would be a beautiful place to live/retire.  My world view has expanded by meeting the members from across the US, and overseas.  It's helped me to become more accepting, more tolerant, more understanding.

I'm taking pride in myself, how I look, how I feel.  My attitude was "I don't care what people think."  That attitude hasn't changed.  However, now I care what I think.

[huntinbuddy]

I found the forum on the evening of January 14th, 2006; less than an hour after first seeing the film the first time.  I did a simple Google search, and found a few other links, I believe Ennis / Jack was one of them, but for whatever reason, I came across DaveCullen.com, and found the threads about the film itself being discussed, i.e. Jacks parents, Ennis & Cassie, Musical score, etc.    I read, and read and read some more.  I bookmarked it, and then went to see BBM again a second time that same evening.

For the next couple days, all I could do was soak in what others were saying, what they were feeling; and know that I wasn't some sort of freak for feeling like I had been slaughtered for having seen this film.  I read so much here on this forum those three days, and on the afternoon of January 18th, I joined and started posting some myself, in the film threads.  So yes, I did lurk for about three days. 

The forum has opened my eyes and views to so many different issues.  Many things I had kept repressed for so many years were now exposed, and I began to talk about them with others, not just in PM's but in the threads themselves.  So many new, wonderful friends here.  From all over the world; all of us brought together by a simple film that  at it's basic core, broke our hearts.

But on a side note, I have to admit that after three years now, I have visited and joined other forums and participated in them also.  But of all of them, DCF is the most organized, and well maintained and is where I spend most of my on-line time.  Many thanks to all the moderators and techs here who keep this place running smoothly.

[dejavu]

All of your stories here are so amazing for me to read.  Thanks to everyone for posting.

And on another side note, I just noticed in the Statistics that the DC Forum now has 7,001 members.  I can still remember when it was so much smaller, even though I wasn't one of the first to join.  Who would have thought?

[gnash]

This was also greatly assisted by spending time with Gnash who is constantly taking interest in most guys, on the streets, in the malls, in the petrol stations, and even wolf whistling at some guys on bicycles...

there you go, bringing this up AGAIN.... and as i recall, you got a little more excited than i thought you would as a result! 

i hope you understand it was all just training for you...   think of me as your coach. you had been limited in your sexual contact, dating a married bloke, as i recall. and bisexual. i hope you've grown since then, both spiritually and physically, and that your capacity to embrace your sexuality has shone. i remember you telling me about the fun you had at the clubs in london, and it made me fondly recall my own crazy days growing up and learning the ropes in san francisco.

i have some pics of those guys we stumbled upon. that stud at the western wear store, omg. and i do remember the guy at the gas station. yowza wowza... he looked like ryan phillipe with dark hair and blue eyes. there's the guy in the yellow shirt and the tan at the restaurant at the corner, where i took the pic of boris that petri loved so much.. and here's one shot of wayne as i remember him in texas. we'd gone out to pick flowers that day. this was in the parking lot of michael's arts and crafts. i think it was 101F degrees in the shade!

[Jer009]

Happy holidays, Dave. Thanks for the Forum, and I hope your foot feels better real soon.

[atruant]

Dave, a special thanks to you for this forum.

It was wonderful to meet you in 2007 and thank you personally.

Jack and Ennis got Chuck and me together, but not without your help.

When I joined the forum in Feb 2006, two ladies named 'killersmom' and 'paintedshoes' welcomed me to DCF. Little did I dream I would meet and become fast friends with these ladies, and other great folks.

Without the forum, we would not have had reunions and met all those wonderful people with whom we had connected on line.

Without the forum, there would not have been a thread called "Are you Ennis, or Jack." It was my post on that thread to which my Chuck responded. And the rest is history.

So thank you Dave. A very Merry Christmas to you and yours. Hope to see you again in 2009 at another Brokie get together!

John

[gnash]

memories of here (long version)

i think i found the forum after first finding the salon posts by googling brokeback mountain. i don't remember the exact day i joined, but i could find out... almost three years ago tho. i do know i stayed on for at least four or five hours the first time, reading all i could before passing out, and marveling that i wasn't the only one so affected by this great film. i lurked for a while, but then got into the conversations soon enough. i remember when i tried to defend the bad sideburns and makeup in the movie, saying ang lee probably didn't care much if they looked perfect, because we all know anyway that they are just actors. i remember fondly the whole argument over who said what in the SNIT scene, and referring to my copy of the movie that an academy member loaned to try and straighten things out, listening with headphones over and over to make sure i heard what i heard was right. i remember my first photocaption in the general discussion thread, i think. it said, "tent don't look right." and i realized there were a lot of people that were highly educated and able to articulate themselves quite nicely and thought how wonderful that was. some were so good i gave up.

participation in dave's forum changed my life in HUGE ways... you bet. and i did many things i never would have thought i would do without this forum in my life. namely, flying to texas to meet with linda, who is like my sister. and my mom. and a bunch of people who were so impacted by the movie they just couldn't resist the flight out to be with like minded brokie fans, even when the day so many arrived was marred by the unfortunate events at heathrow (which was just a scare, wasn't it?) and they all had to deal with george bush's stupid RED and ORANGE alerts... and i saw the love and the tears that fell, and shed some myself, when the event was finally over and the last flights out of texas took off... i won't ever forget that morning on the porch.

i've met some people the world over that i consider very close friends now.

i met people that i will know for life... and i met people that i know i don't like.

i realized there are more types of gay men than i thought.... and that we're all okay.

i realize "real life" isn't so different from the online world, especially when the two mesh.

the thoughts of losing heath has affected me less than i thought, but also more than i wanted.

i love hearing how forum members meet and get into relationships like nick and rob, john and chuck.

i got a volunteer job doing what i enjoy most, with TDS, doing graphic stuff. and the crew is always so nice.

i started writing poems about two guys named jack and ennis, doing crazy manips, bean cans and beer labels, etc.

i started writing slash (what the heck is that? my first thought). stories with lines like "he came so hard my eyes crossed."

i was surprised that some women love reading about gay men making love as much some dudes love watching girls make out.

i thought my BF would think i was nuts, but he too loved the movie (but he didn't see it in the theatre 22 times like i did) and was fully encouraging of my participation. i remember watching him wiping tears from his eyes and immediately watching it a second time. he still looks over my shoulder from time to time when i'm online. he even helped do things for the forum, like draw the hats which have been used for a few of the get together events. he wrote a poem you could read sideways or up and down, and has written a slash fic that hasn't been unveiled yet. about jack twist, and a tractor truck.

i started using weird letter combos like SNIT and FNIT and AU and OC and AP and dMP and PIMP. and i use LMAO and LOL quite often.

i was able to hold in my hands the wooden horse that ennis was carving... plus other things, like trying on that lovely brown corduroy coat.

the first person to PM me was WDG. and jack in FL (who was in NY at the time) was also up there as one of the firsts... then i met mooska (lyle).

the first forum person i met in real life, if i'm not mistaken, was rickb. he lives less than 5 minutes away, if traffic is light. we saw each other last night.

we sat directly across from heath and jake and michelle and the rest of the crew that night at the aero screening, in santa monica, on a day i lucked out and got a ticket in to see the movie and the Q & A on a fluke.... andy and i lucked out again because we raced to the stage and got front row center seats. we could count the little gold anchors on heath's rumpled socks, and i saw the scuff marks on his boots. he is missed so much. i gave away my variety booklet to a unhappy guy that couldn't get into the screening, and he came back around front after the event and showed us that he'd gotten all the actors to sign it for him out back.

i met some IMDB and yahoo brokies at the mexican restaurant after the screening. we closed the place down at 3am!

i attended a halloween party where i saw sparky in boots and chaps and a cowboy hat. (and jeans and a shirt.)

i quit smokin after watching those guys smoke up a storm on the silver screen. worrying about them helped.

i attended my first ever gay rodeo and will probably go back. and i met a real life bull rider at the airport.

i cried over the best picture award loss, even knowing that the academy voting system is fucked up.

i drove to SF and was able to help at the castro event by manning the memorabilia booth all night. i never even saw the movie that day, but that was all right. just being able to see that wonderful stuff up close was a treat. last christmas, my friends, who i thought thought my brokie obsession was nuts (because they said so), gave me a huge signed movie poster with sigs from the main stairs plus ang himself... it hangs in our bedroom, and i tuck pics of heath and jake at the edge of the frame from time to time. i almost sold it on eBay when i needed the cash.

the story to screenplay book i bought at borders is dog eared and the spine is almost broken. but it looks great and feels great in my hands.

i met micheal flanagan, who it turned out i sort of knew from the record store he worked, years before the movie or short story was even thought up.

we went camping last summer and sat by the fire. you remember how it looked like jack would burn his boot? you can't do that with tennis shoes, friends.

on the way back from michigan last summer i went out of my way just so i could drive through the montana fishing town of ennis... i didn't stay long enough.

i made custom ceramics commemorating the movie, they're so fun.

i can't believe how many interesting things i've learned from this forum.

i wear the texas bbq t-shirt proudly.... and the tote bag is almost worn out.

i have a black bumpersticker that says, "brokeback mountain," courtesy of chuck.

i love the little buttons i've collected over the years as well. thanks guys for those gifts.

i cried happy tears when i saw the cherry cake that adam's sisters made for the colorado event.

i remember jackie, her beautiful script, the cards she sent. i think of how it was for her toward the end.

i think, "i've got to stop this madness!" from time to time, and stopped writing for a whole six or seven months.

but i came back after summer was over, because i haven't convinced myself that it needs fixin. and i can stand a lot.

yin, yang, black hat or tan... but it all balances out. thanks for making it possible, dave, and for putting up with me, man.