How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me

[Melisande]

We have "How Brokeback Affected Me", "How the Forum Get-Togethers Have Affected Me", and now, "How the Dave Cullen Forum Has Affected Me."

Wayne/Zudos suggested that now, as the forum approaches its two-year anniversary (December 24), might be a good time for such a thread. Thank you, Wayne! And thanks to all of you for making this forum the place it is.

[jack]

i plead the 5th 

(and that's as close to a 5th as i care to get, thank you)

[CANSTANDIT]

Well, to me, it is an exception to one famous addage, a la Groucho Marx, paraphrased: I wouldn't join a club that would have me for a member. 

Besides that, all I can think of is FRIENDS. I've made some damn good ones here....and I feel like for the first time, I really deconstructed a story in a way I never have before. This one seems so much more important than most of the others. And let's not forget the humor.....

[Dal]

The story and film really smashed me, in a way I still do not understand.  All sorts of pretty unpleasant emotion started.  Nobody I knew had the same reaction, and they tolerated me but thought I was looney.  The forum helped me get sorted out, no small thing. 

[Lola]

Well the movie brought me here, but the people have made me stay.  I have met alot of nice people here.  We talk about more than just the movie, we talk about movies in general, diets, families, pets, current events, we share jokes, we just chat........it is really nice.   Oh and we fight and then we kiss and make up, it is kind of like family. 

[ingmarnicebbmt]

Wonderful idea for a new thread - merci Meli & Waynito. Will think about a long detailled post here, soon.

[CellarDweller115]

Well the movie brought me here, but the people have made me stay. 

That's a great way to start your post, so I'm quoting it.


I found this forum on Dec 26th of 2005.  It was only a few hours after having seen Brokeback my first time.  I was so happy to have a group of like minded people to talk about the movie with, and to find people who that when I reached out to them, reached back.

I found people to be my friends, my support, and so much more.  I traveled all over, had a relationship, met guys who expressed an interest in me, and let myself experience life.

I've talked with people from all over the globe, and my knowledge about myself, and the world around me has grown.

I've grown more as a man the past two years, than I ever have before.

Oh and we fight and then we kiss and make up, it is kind of like family. 

Oh yeah, we're like a family........and there are some black sheep (or is that pink sheep?) and a small amount of dysfunction from time to time, but we get through, we always do.


I wouldn't trade back the time I spent here for anything!

[Rob in Puyallup]

I know I'll be back soon to add a post or two...

[conny]

Well the movie brought me here, but the people have made me stay. 

great line and so true, more later.

[dejavu]

Like many of you, I agree that Lola sums it up well by saying, "Well the movie brought me here, but the people have made me stay."

In the beginning, for me, it was all about the movie.  I was so touched by the movie that I sought out everything I could find about it online, not even imagining that a place like the DC Forum existed, where a large group of people could talk to each other.  When I discovered the Dave Cullen Forum, it was my first experience with any kind of online forum.  But I didn't really see the people behind the screen names.

At first I was mostly interested in figuring out the movie -- what had I really seen, what did it mean.  For that, I went to the Scene-by-Scene Analysis thread, and tried to understand what everyone else there was saying.  I wanted to hear different interpretations of various scenes.  I only posted a little bit, because it seemed that the discussion was farther along than my thinking was at that point, and that I could learn best just by reading (what I came to learn was called "lurking").

At some point, my perspective widened a little, and I thought it would be interesting to join the book club.  Prior to joining the Forum, I'd been reading a lot of history books, but our book club here, run so well by Michael Flanagan, gave me a chance to read different types of books.  My first book there was "The Last Picture Show," a classic by BBM-screenwriter Larry McMurtry.  In the book club, I began to interact more with other people online. 

But as for a real-life meeting?  I was too afraid to dare to venture to the original "Auntie's Backyard BBQ" in 2006 in Texas -- afraid of meeting people, reluctant to travel, hesitant about being in Texas in the summer heat.  However, last August (over a year ago) I finally met a few Brokies in person at a small get-together held one afternoon in downtown Philadelphia.  Even though I didn't stay in touch with those people in person, and only continued speaking online with one person who was also in the book clubs, this in-person meeting led up to a big change in my life that has continued to this day.   

The big change for me came with this year's Estes Park BBQ in Colorado.  Finally, I met a large group of people, including some who have become much better friends in the months since.  I've had small dinners or luncheons with some of them, have traveled to big gatherings like in SF and DC, and have been fortunate to make some friends who meet from time to time in New York City.  Speaking of being daring, just going to NYC alone was a first for me.  I'd always been afraid to travel there before, but somehow I knew I had to do it if I was going to see the people I wanted to see, and I managed to do it.  And it seems that each time there's another get-together, I get to know somebody new -- and in addition, the existing friendships with people I already know are reinforced.

Another aspect of the Forum, which I've only come to lately, has been reading people's stories about how they were affected by Brokeback.  I stayed away from that thread in the beginning, partly because it was so huge, partly because I had no words then to describe how much, or why, I had been personally affected by Brokeback.  Since purchasing and reading "Beyond Brokeback" and meeting some of its authors, I've begun reading that thread (at least keeping up with the new entries).  This is making me understand much better the things that people I know have been going through.

As a straight woman, I also have to say that the Forum has provided me with a very welcome way to connect with gay men.  Certain individual gay men were very important to me in high school and up until right after college, then I lost touch with them when they moved to San Francisco and I moved to the East Coast.  I lived a pretty quiet and conservative life here, never really knowing that anyone around me was gay (if they were, they were closeted in the corporate world).  When I was recruited for a Diversity Team at work, I tried to review a few books dealing with gay issues (an effort which drew some criticism, but I was determined), and I continued to be very interested in matters concerning gay people's lives.  But that was so theoretical.  It's not the same as actually having gay friends and going out with them, laughing and talking to them, just having fun.  I feel like a piece of myself was missing (hidden in my own closet, in a way) which I have been privileged to rediscover here through getting to know some of the great men on this Forum.

Widening these thoughts from gay men to all people, gay and straight, men and women, I will just echo what others have said, that this Forum is now about FRIENDS.  That's why I continue to come here, to connect with people I know, and to talk to new people who are continuing to turn up every week.

[Zudos]

Thanks guys...

Am getting a post for this thread.... 

[MaineGirl]

I know I'll be back soon to add a post or two...

me too.......

[paintedshoes]

I know I'll be back soon to add a post or two...

me too.......

Me, three, though it can probably be epitomized by that word again:  Friends!  I have personally met all but two of the posters in this thread.  And those two are as dear to me as if we had met!   

To quote the Governator:  I'll be back!!!!!! 

[Rob in Puyallup]

DEBBIE...

I love your post!

Was cool meeting you in San Francisco!!!

Hugs,
Rob

[ingmarnicebbmt]

DownstairsDebbie - your post was very moving and sincere. Thank you for that. I enjoyed reading it.