Bring your humor here.....an email I received today.....

[fritzkep]

It is hilarious! And apparently Mrs Obama really laughed out loud when she saw it, so I've heard!

[doodler]

I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law the other night
when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said.
'We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my iPod.'

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it.
 

[killersmom]

LOL!!!

[killersmom]

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
 
The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'
 
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know this car doesn't have cruise control.'
 
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'   
 
The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'
 
As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit fitted in the car, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'
 
The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'
 
The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'
 
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'
 
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
 
I love this part........... :
 
'Only when he's been drinking.'
 

[fritzkep]

She showed him! 

[killersmom]

She showed him! 

Yep!!

[doodler]

"You know you're a redneck when......

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

[fritzkep]

"You know you're a redneck when......

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

They're all great, and I especially love this one!

[killersmom]

You know you're a redneck when.....

You use a piece of plywood and a fiberglass repair kit to fix the hole in the rusted out floor of your pickup truck!!

I AM A REDNECK!!

[killersmom]

This is not necessarily funny, but I did get it in an e-mail from a friend.

It is a really well done male stripper performance. Very inventive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyhPXAvzN0o

NSF

[doodler]

You know you're a redneck when.....

You use a piece of plywood and a fiberglass repair kit to fix the hole in the rusted out floor of your pickup truck!!

I AM A REDNECK!!

The only other way to fix it is to cover it with an old piece of carpet, right?

[killersmom]

The only other way to fix it is to cover it with an old piece of carpet, right?

Yep!! That too!

[killersmom]

This is SO my laugh of the day:

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

[fritzkep]

    

[CellarDweller115]

nice comeback!