Bring your humor here.....an email I received today.....

[fofol]

Anybody know how to say 'pompous ass' in Australian?

[CellarDweller115]

[Sason]

If Steve Jobs had invented the Atlantic Ocean, would it then have been called the iPond?

[bubba]

I'm just sayin.....



       1
       He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a
bra; you've got nothing to put in it
       I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?


       2
       He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping
positions tonight?
       I said to him .. That's a good idea - you stand by
the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but
fart


3
       He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all
the grocery money I gave you?
       I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the
mirror!


       4
       He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during
foreplay?
       I said to him ... . They don't have time.



       5
       He said to me. . How many men does it take to change
a roll of toilet paper?
       I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never
happened.


       6
       He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who
are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
       I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.


       7
       He said to me...What do you call a woman who knows
where her husband is every night?
       I said to him. . .. A widow.



       8
       He said to me.... Why are marriedwomen heavier than
single women?
       I said to him .. . .. Single women come home, see
what's in the fridge and go to bed..Married women come home,
see what's in bed and go to the fridge.



   SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO
THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!   

[doodler]

 

[killersmom]

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A "DOG PERSON" TO APPRECIATE THIS STORY.
 
"Stay"
 
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there..
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car saying loudly and   emphatically, "Now you stay.  Do you hear me?"
"Stay!  Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"

[killersmom]

Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday!!

They include:

    Bobby Darin ---
    Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

    Herman's Hermits ---
    Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

    Ringo Starr ---
    I Get By With A Little Help From Depends

    The Bee Gees ---
    How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?

    Roberta Flack---
    The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face?
   
    Johnny Nash ---
    I Can't See Clearly Now

    Paul Simon---
    Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

    The Commodores ---
    Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

    Procol Harem---
    A Whiter Shade Of Hair

    Leo Sayer ---
    You Make Me Feel Like Napping

    The Temptations ---
    Papa's Got A Kidney Stone

    Abba---
    Denture Queen

    Tony Orlando ---
    Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

    Helen Reddy ---
    I Am Woman; Hear Me Snore

    Leslie Gore---
    It's My Procedure,and I'll Cry If I Want To

And Last, but NOT least:

    Willie Nelson ---
    On the Commode Again

[doodler]

 

[killersmom]

I thought you would like it (or not like it as the case may be!! ), Sherry!

[doodler]

[huntinbuddy]

A husband and wife are shopping at the Grocery store.
The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you're doing?” asks the wife.
“They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.

“Put them back, we can't afford them” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
 A few aisles further the wife picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you're doing?” asks the husband.

“It’s my face cream. It helps me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price.”

[huntinbuddy]

An elderly man had a massive heart attack and the family drove him to the
emergency room. After a while the ER doctor appeared wearing a long face.

"I'm afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."
"Oh Dear God," cried his wife, "we've never had a liberal in the family before."

[doodler]

Ha ha!

[killersmom]

A husband and wife are shopping at the Grocery store.
The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you're doing?” asks the wife.
“They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.

“Put them back, we can't afford them” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
 A few aisles further the wife picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you're doing?” asks the husband.

“It’s my face cream. It helps me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price.”

Damn this made me laugh!!!

[Uli]

Came across a nice site cause some body tweeted the link to this:

People who don't know how to spell "cologne":
http://www.sadanduseless.com/2012/04/twitter-cologne/

 

There is some other nice stuff, too (I think...)

Texts from my dog:
http://www.sadanduseless.com/2012/04/texts-from-my-dog/#more-9572

Celebrities that look like mattresses:
http://www.sadanduseless.com/2012/03/nothing-really-matress/#more-9395

A dramatic surprise on a quiet square:
http://www.sadanduseless.com/2012/04/awesome-belgian-commercial/

Top 10 absolute worst things in the world:
http://www.sadanduseless.com/2012/04/worst-things-in-the-world/