Bring your humor here.....an email I received today.....

[doodler]

Funny, but wait until some slimeball steals the poor box.

[doodler]

This is the story of the blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me!
My pilot had a heart attack and is dead.
And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear.
I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.
'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine!
Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Obama."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio,
"Repeat after me: Our Father. . Who art in Heaven. . .."

[killersmom]

I made Toots bark, I laughed so loud!!

[doodler]

One of my kids is an air traffic controller. Change Obama to Reagan and they'll all say "amen!"

[killersmom]

The longest password ever.

We laugh....... but her password is safe!

During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyDeweyLouieDonaldGoofySacramento

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said, "Hello! It has to be at least eight characters and include at least one capital."

[killersmom]

HELLO, OPERATOR
 
ANOTHER CHAPTER OF "THEY WALK AMONG US AND REPRODUCE!!

Actual call center conversations!

Customer:  'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer:  'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator:  'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator:  'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and  telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

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RAC Motoring Services
Caller:  'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?'
Operator:  'Does the policy name give you a clue?'

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England ,
do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.'
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller:  'Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ....'

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'

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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer:  'OK.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer:  'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer:  'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'
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Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer:'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'

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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.
So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

[killersmom]

This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department..............
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:  'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .'
Operator:  'What sort of trouble?'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator:  'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator:  'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator:  'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator:  'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator:  'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..'
Operator:  'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator:  'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.  Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller:  'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator:  'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall..
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator:  'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller:  'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller:  'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer..'
Caller:  'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller:  'No..'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller:  'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller:  'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator:'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller:  'I can't.'
Operator:'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator:  'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and  packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'
Operator:  'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it  up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator:  'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator:  'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'

[killersmom]

Truer words were never spoken:
    
1.  Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
    
2.  Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
    
3.  Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
    
4.  Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
 
5.  Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
 
6.  Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
 
7.  Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
 
8.  Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
 
9.  Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
 
10.  Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
 
11.  The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
 
12.  Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent  lockers.
 
13.  Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the  newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
 
14.  Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
 
15.  Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
 
16.  Oliver's Law of Public Speaking   -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!
 
17.  Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!
 
18.  Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

[Cally]

These are all great , Linda!  Too many to quote .

[doodler]

So funny!

[killersmom]

Thanks, Sara and Sherry. I especially like the the WordPerfect one.

[Sason]

Big LOL, Linda!!!   

[killersmom]

Thanks Sonja!!

[fritzkep]

Hugely funny, Linda!

[killersmom]

Thanks, Fritz. I have been getting laughs from all of them!!