Bring your humor here.....an email I received today.....

[huntinbuddy]

[doodler]

These people lie down the road from me. They've also heard that two out of three babies born in the US are male. They keep looking at their 7 sons trying to figure out which one isn't.

[Uli]

True to the title of this thread - I really received this by email today.... From our accounting department...



New reporting accounting

TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,
Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation

5316 Useless Meeting

5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting

5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting

5319 Waiting for Break

5320 Waiting for Lunch

5321 Waiting for End of Day

5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker

5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present

5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend

5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning

5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid

5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You

5481 Buying Snack

5482 Eating Snack

5500 Filling Out Timesheet

5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries

5502 Waiting for Something to Happen

5503 Scratching Yourself

5504 Sleeping

5510 Feeling Bored

5511 Feeling Horny

5600 Complaining About Lousy Job

5601 Complaining About Low Pay

5602 Complaining About Long Hours

5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)

5604 Complaining About Boss

5605 Complaining About Personal Problems

5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining

5701 Not Actually Present At Job

5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu

6102 Ordering Out

6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive

6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food

6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit

6201 Stealing Company Goods

6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods

6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls

6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods

6205 Hiding from Boss

6206 Gossip

6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)

6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself

6211 Updating Resume

6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter

6213 Out of Office on Interview

6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching

6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job

6223 Pretending You Like Coworker

6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks

6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing

6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl

6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)

6602 Complaining

6603 Writing a Book on Company Time

6611 Staring Into Space

6612 Staring At Computer Screen

6615 Transcendental Meditation

7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)

7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone

7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone

7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone

7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone

7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone

7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone

7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone

7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone

7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone

7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity

8000 Recreational Drug Use

8001 Non-recreational Drug Use

8002 Liquid Lunch

8100 Reading e-mail


 

[CellarDweller115]

lmao!

Uli, that's hysterical!

[huntinbuddy]

Post #4748 reminded me of an email I received a couple weeks ago......

Question:
What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer:
Princess Diana's death.

Question:
How come?

Answer:
An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling),  followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, On Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by a Canadian,  using American Bill Gates' technology,  and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a  Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....


That, my friends, is Globalization!

[doodler]

That's sad.

[fritzkep]

[CellarDweller115]

[huntinbuddy]

^^^^

omg!

[maturben]

 
 ^^^^^

 what he said

  but I did laugh

[killersmom]

Ugh! But so did I!!

[huntinbuddy]

I get quite a few of those 'Rotten Cards' in my email.   I should start saving more of them to post here.

[killersmom]

REMEMBERING 1955

                If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.
                 
                When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon.
                Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.
                 
                I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with
                saying  DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.
                 
                I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by
                the end of  the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.
                 
                Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball?
                It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the  President.
                 
                I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric.They're even making
                electric typewriters now.
                 
                It's too bad things are so tough nowadays.
                I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.
                 
                It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both
                work.
                 
                I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

                Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes.
                I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.
                 
                The fast food restaurant is convenient for a quick meal, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.
                 
                There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

                No one can afford to be sick anymore. At $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.

                If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it.
           

[doodler]

Wow.

[killersmom]

A friend sent this to me in an e-mail today and I so got a belly laugh out of it!!


Male Stripper

Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be out done, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but  fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks  again.

Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet.

What could I do?
The woman in me took over!

I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks, and left!!!