Photo Captioning Series

[LauraGigs]

Oh yeah, daddy o' mine, I learned about downloading and uploading at school today! Is that what you and Uncle Ennis were doing up on Brokeback? Uploading? Like, you UPloaded your "STUFF" to Uncle Ennis? Now I know what that means, you dirty old fag porking bastard."

[LauraGigs]

EPISODE V: BITCHY BOBBY STRIKES BACK



You WHAT??!!  Now look Miss Peroxide, you and Daddyfruit down there are not taking me out of school and homeschooling me!!  What in the holy hell could I ever learn from the two of you?  How to run an adding machine while taking it up the ass??!!  And by the way, which one of you swiped my autographed picture of Simon Cowell??

[LauraGigs]

Bobby: You're damned right I'm embarrassed to bring my friends over here!  Just look at this joint!  What's up with all this French provencial piss elegant crap?  I guess that queen down at the other end of the table must have picked that shit out?  Just what was your decorating theme: Best Little Whorehouse in Texas?  Oh and by the way... too bad you couldn't find any purple...

[LauraGigs]

THE RETURN OF BITCHY BOBBY



Bobby: And while we're at it, the house isn't the only freakshow around here.  Jeezus God!  You look like a runner-up in a Miss Demolition Derby pageant.  I hear the hairdressers in town had to start buying bleach in industrial sized drums.  Hungover drag queens have better taste in their personal appearance than you.  Oh sure... pretend like you don't know where I've ever seen a hungover drag queen before...

[LauraGigs]

THE RETURN OF BITCHY BOBBY



Bobby: And while we're talking makeover--Granny! Yo--Betty Rubble! This is Childress, not Bedrock! Even if Mom is channeling Dino with those freakin chairs. If you take that nose-cone off your head, do bats fly out? I'll bet it glows in the dark! Hey Granny! I'm talkin to you! You breathin? I've seen test patterns with more zip than you. And Gramps--where you get off with that football shit, Jumbo? You're about as macho as the Pillsbury Dough Boy. You know what they say--the bigger the mouth, the smaller the… By the way, that hair. Love it. Ya ever change the oil? I heard Texaco just made a wildcat strike there. Jesus. All the grandparents in the world and I get Ralph Kramden and Zombina, Queen of the Corpse People. No wonder Ma married a pillow-bitin fairy.

[LauraGigs]

IN THEATRES NOW!  THE MOST HIGHLY ANTICIPATED SEQUEL OF THE YEAR:

SMART ENNIS MEETS BITCHY BOBBY



Ennis: Of course the worldwide Anglican communion includes all of the international branches of the Church of England.  Although the Archbishop of Canterbury does not have any direct governing authority over the dioceses of the church located outside of England, he is generally seen as the symbolic or spiritual head of the church everywhere.




Bobby: Oh is that right, St. Thomas Aquinas?  "Spiritual head", huh?  Does that mean you yell "oh God" when you cum in my Daddy's mouth?

[LauraGigs]

Bitchy Bobby Finds a Career



BB: You freakin believe this shit?? They keep tokin and swallowin – no, not that kind, ya dirty creep – and tellin me to go find some lightning bugs, and I'll be kicking candy ass and takin prissy names! I'm getting paid good cashola to spy on the Gay Divorcee and One-Prick Tony, and I wanna see some honest to freakin Jesus down and dirty floggin and snoggin... no sense gettin nauseous if I can't burn the candle at both ends, take my pay out from Ghenghis Dong back in Childress, and set up a nice little whoreshouse fund, then swing back – no, not that kinda 'swing', ya filthy bastard – and pocket a couple a 10 spots when The Pornstache realizes I got herself and Tall, Dark and Illiterate all on film...

[LauraGigs]

Brokeback Childress Halloween



Bobby: My daddy's the one put the 'trick' in trick or treatin, and he disappears so much, who needs a friggin ghost?

[LauraGigs]

the plot thickens

i made bobby bitchy.

Okay, Baldilocks. That does it. NOBODY disses ME and gets away with it. YOU made ME bitchy? That's like sayin Backdoor Jack here's makin a "lifestyle choice!" Here's the 411, Dr. "I cast the fifth vote in 2000" Snivel--I happen to be the natural and legitimate culmination of a long, complaining line of ungrateful, blame-gaming, grass-is-always-greener KVETCHMEISTERS! So put this on your pinkie and suck it, Curly Cueball--what you are is a Donald Pleasance fetishist in a suit Heath Ledger wouldn't wear who thinks he's Al Gore and Walter Mitty rolled into one. Whereas I am the son and grandson of the most enervating, work-shirking, bankroll-marrying losers ever to embarrass the legacy of the Pioneers. Last year when I beat Rodney Dangerfield AND Joan Rivers for "Whiner of the Year" I sure didn't see you poncing around in your mood ring and Tin Man outfit! Now, it ain't my fault that my dad eats Mexican, my mom Did Dallas, my grandads stunt-double for Boris Karloff and Archie Bunker, and my grandma's hair turns people to stone--but I wouldn't be what I am if I didn't have them to complain about. So you, Doctor Didlittle, can take your "I Got the Whole Evil In My Hands" act down to William Morris. I hear they're looking for a new Stooge since Shemp quit.

[LauraGigs]

BROKEBACK THANKSGIVING



LD:  Hey Rodeo, I hear you named that vase behind me “Ennis”.  Why’s that?

Jack:  Um…

Bobby:  It’s a pitcher and it’s crammed into his tight little hole.  Duh.

[CellarDweller115]

The Sunflower Series

mrs. twist: thanks for the flowers... they're a bit... strange.

ennis: uh, yeah... i see that now. they looked better in the field.

[CellarDweller115]

Mrs Twist:
It's terribly sun-drenched and vivid, isn't it?


Rick B

[CellarDweller115]

Mrs Twist:
Just don't make any sudden movements!


Rick B

[CellarDweller115]

mrs. twist: well, thank you for the lovely, uh, flowers... now, let's take a look at that ear.

[CellarDweller115]

why thank you, ennis!



ennis: you're welcome... the lady at the floral shop said to put an aspirin in the water to keep 'em fresh.

mrs. twist (thinking): aspirin for the flowers? i'm gonna need an aspirin if i gotta look at them things!