Celebrating One Year of the Brokeback Forum

[cyantium]

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?
Back in July 2005, I read a blurb on some website about a gay themed movie being made about cowboys.


Had you read the story before you saw the movie?
After 3 failed attempts because I couldn't get through it without my vision blurring from tears, I finally read the whole story around the middle of September 2005.  I read it a few more times after that but got to the point where I didn't want to feel how it made me feel, so I stopped reading it.


When was the first time you saw it?
Friday night, January 6th, 2006.


How many times have you seen the movie?
Six times in the theater and twice on DVD.  It's very difficult for me to watch so I don't put myself through that very often.


Did you get any people to go with you? How many?
I was originally supposed to go in a group of 6 people, but through a series of circumstances, I ended up going by myself.  Lucky for me, I was alone.  I was a bit leery of going at all knowing how reading the story had affected me.  I had no idea what was in store for me by seeing the movie.  I saw it 5 more times by myself.  Now, I would never sit through it with anybody.  It's become such a personal thing for me.  It's a year later and I still can't even talk about it without starting to cry.


Which character did you most identify with?
I don't really identify with either Jack or Ennis, but I do seem to have some bizarre emotional connection to the character of Ennis.  I don't understand it and I can't explain it.


What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?
There was no lesson or message for me.  All I ended up with is a profound sadness that I suspect is going to be with me from here on out.


Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?
My life isn't really any different now than it was a year ago.  I, however, am different.  For all of my adult life, I've been alone, but not lonely.  I have many friends but I've never felt that I was cut out for being in a relationship.  I won't try to explain what that means, but I accepted it and was ignorantly happy in my situation.  Then, this movie made me feel something I had never felt and made me want something that I will probably never have.   For that reason alone, I hate this movie and love it at the same time.

How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?
Searching the net for anything related to Brokeback Mountain.

When did you first join the forum?
Many months ago.

What made you join?
I had to express what I was going through before I exploded but being a private person, I needed the anonymity of the internet to be able to do it.


Do you remember your first post?
I'll just say that my actual first post was way too personal and let it go at that.

[Dave Cullen]

I'm going to ditch the question format and share a few memories. Many, many people ask me how and why I started this, and the origins tend to be quite different than most people imaged. So here's my story:

It started as a blog post. September 10, 2005. "Brokeback won Venice!" Wow. Venice is the most prestigious film festival in Europe. Winning that meant the film was no stinker. Maybe the big one we had been waiting for. Finally a film about gayguys that would speak to straight people. Speak to them in a voice they could handle. A great director, real Hollywood stars. "Could be a major pop culture moment," I wrote. "Gay cowboys in love. Hard to beat that. And two rising stars in Hollywood kissing. Can't wait."

The post drew one comment. Most people had never heard of Brokeback Mountain. I had watching the project develop for five years. I had read the story and sobbed uncontrollably. I was going on faith that the film would deliver, but I was in awe of Ang Lee's last film, and the Venice award was enough to throw me behind it.

I posted a dozen times over the several weeks, and comments started trickling in. Word was starting to spread. A little. On September 25, I created a separate web page dedicated to the film: release dates, links to early news stories and reviews, web sites featuring pictures of the actors, a plot summary, selected passages from the book . . . everything I could think of. And a central comments thread for readers to discuss the film. Most of my blog entries on Brokeback had drawn a handful of comments, but they were stranded in separate threads--one thread for each post. I figured if I linked back to one central thread every time I blogged about Brokeback, people might find each other more easily and get a discussion going. It was totally an afterthought. It would prove to be the most valuable thing I would ever post on my blog.

It didn't catch on at first. One wowan--a blogger going by the name Birdie--responded that first day. "I loved Proulx's story," she wrote. "I gave it to my son to read. He's gay, he's just 18 and having a difficult time coming out to family outside of me. I'm encouraged that this movie is getting some great early press, and I can't wait to see it." It was nearly three weeks before somebody joined her. The last week of October, a real discussion got going: about dozen posters, many of them coming back several times.

The comment threads on my blog hold roughly 120-150 posts. It took nearly two months to fill the first thread. The second thread took just six days: November 12-22. On December 9, Brokeback Mountain opened in (five?) theaters in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco. Our ninth comment thread filled up in a day and a half. Two weeks later, on Christmas Eve, we closed our fifty-sixth, and last thread, and directed the burgeoning community to discussion-board website which eventually became known as The Ultimate Brokeback Forum.

We had scrambled to get the site up in under a week. We had to do something. I was spending hours a day updating the web page--eventually called The Ultimate Brokeback Guide--with new links. The film was breaking box office records for an indie production, and the media was all over the story. The comment threads were filling up every three hours, and it was becoming a chore to create them and stay online to move everyone from one thread to the next. I realized I was in trouble when I went out to a movie one night and realized I couldn't leave my computer screen long enough to drive back and forth and watch it, without leaving dozens of rabid Brokeback aficionados stranded. So in desperation I asked for help. Two members, Greg and Jack--people on opposite ends of the country I had never met--volunteered immediately.

The audience at the site was growing exponentially and I knew something had to give, but I didn't see a way out. In my daydreams I imaged a real discussion-board site, but laughed the idea off. That would require a team of programmers--way more than I could handle. I had a book contract of my own to fulfill. But on December 16, a poster from San Francisco named Melisande emailed with a suggestion. "I've been reading the message board at your blog for, jeez, has it been only a week?" she wrote. "And I'm thinking, it could be a real message board. Organized, in categories, with posters able to edit their posts and find the subjects that interest them. Right now it's a free-for-all, and it's great, but it could be better. I'm thinking topics could be The Movie with subthreads of Actors, Script, Awards, etc., then another topic on The Original Story, and - oh, hell, I'm just typing off the top of my head. A Personal Experience thread, with, e.g., My Ennis." It wouldn't be hard at all, she assured me--software packages were available for a small monthly fee. "People will line up to pay for it. You just need some computer types to help you out."

Wow. That was so tempting. By now it had occurred to me that I had completely miscalculated on the film's needs. It most certainly did not require my help in getting the word out. It was the audience who was left in need. So many people were so overcome by the experience. They were searching the web and finding my site after they saw the film. Many of them had no idea what they were looking for, they were just grasping around, and when they got to the site they knew what they were after: other people affected as deeply as them.
It was amazing just to be apart of the discussion. I was incredulous at all the stories. And I knew the sequential comment thread was unworthy of the need. But a board. I couldn't imagine exactly what the effort would entail, but I knew I couldn't take something like that on. You don't have to do it yourself, Meli assured me--volunteers would line up. "I'm sure you need only ask."

I responded politely, and asked a few questions, got kind of interested but talked myself out of it by nightfall. Luckily, she persisted. The next day she sent links to example sites. As soon as I clicked on one of them I was hooked. They were exactly what this group Brokeback needed, what they deserved. Greg just happened to be a gifted programmer. By that evening he was scoping out software packages and hosting companies, and mocking up design ideas to bounce off me. Over the next week, Greg, Meli and I hashed out all the details, Greg put in dozens of hours programming, and Meli organized a small moderating staff. On Christmas Eve, we were all due at family members' houses by early afternoon. But the site wasn't quite ready. We were still tweaking design features, refining the rules and hashing out how many threads to start with--whether we would overwhelm members with too many, or underwhelm them with too few. At 4:33 mountain time, we finally called an end to the tweaking. It was good enough. We had to get in our cars or get excommunicated from our families. We set it live.

You guys took it from there. I am so glad you did. I never would have imagined this.

---

I'll try to return over the holidays with more thoughts, but I have to leave for that horror which is still DIA. They're saying to arrive four hours early, and for once I believe them.

Happy Holidays, everyone. It's been one hell of a year.

[south_wind]

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?
I heard it advertized on tv.  I remember hearing, "I wish I knew how to quit you!" and I realized I wanted to see the movie.  I already liked Heath and Jake as actors, and I figured it would have a lot of depth.  Little did I know...


Had you read the story before you saw the movie?
No.  I looked for it at the library, but it was checked out.  I've since read it several times.


When was the first time you saw it?
February 2006.  I still have the ticket stubs.  I was scared to go because I just knew it was going to have me crying. By this time, I already knew what happened at the end.  I sobbed all the way home and for days thereafter.


How many times have you seen the movie?
I saw it twice in the theater, then twice on DVD.  I can't watch the whole thing, though.


Did you get any people to go with you? How many?
No.  It was something I wanted to experience by myself.  I gave a dvd to my sister, but I think she's afraid to watch it.

Which character did you most identify with?
I don't identify with either character.  I just have a strong protectiveness and sorrow for both of them.  I don't like to read fanfic, but I have fantasies in which I own a ranch and give both of them jobs and a cabin, and they live happily ever after.


What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?
I didn't get a lesson or message.  Sometimes love & life don't work for tragic reasons, but I already knew that.  I saw two lonely and appealing characters who fell in love and were horribly hurt.  I was profoundly affected.


Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?
My life was okay when I saw the movie, and it's okay now.  However, there's an inner core of sadness that hasn't changed since I saw the movie.


How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?
Search engines...


When did you first join the forum?
I'm not sure; I think a few weeks after I saw the movie.

What made you join?
I had to see if there were others who were so knocked out by this movie.  I was relieved, but not surprised, to see that there were


Do you remember your first post?
Nooo.  It was probably something all weepy and anguished.

[PetterG]

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?
Heard about when it was prized at the festival in Venice (september 2005)



Had you read the story before you saw the movie?
yes, searched (googled) and found the novel at a web page - read it the first weekend in October - cried a lot



When was the first time you saw it?
the 31. January


How many times have you seen the movie?
10 I think


Did you get any people to go with you? How many?
2-3 persons, personal (gay) friends


Which character did you most identify with?
Ennis - his situation in the end - approx 40 yo, living a very simple and lonely life.
All the same questions as I have: what will I do (with) the rest of my life?


What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?
Take time to make friendship. Show other people that You care for them.


Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?
As a friend of me said: "You are always busy with a lot of activities, too busy to really have a real life. That's Your excuse, why You are single and alone"
Now I'm trying to have more free time and to be more active in contacts with new friends - not waiting for them to call me - call them sometimes too.

How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?
googled on 'brokeback' and found some other forums but saw a link to this more serious 'chat'

When did you first join the forum?
the old one: in November I think, maybe October
this one: boxing day (26. dec)

What made you join?
wanted to discuss the movie - and had noone in Sweden to talk with
(I think I was one of the first Europeans here)

Do you remember your first post?
introducing my self I guess - talking a lot of the situation for gays in Sweden
and about Ennis situation

[wild_mountainside]

Celebrating one year of Brokeback Mountain

Happy Anniversary All!  Thanks to Dave and to the Moderators!  Also, my special thanks to those who created and maintain the Daily Sheet  It's a wonderful resource and keeps connections to members like me, who don't check threads as often as I used to.

-----

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?

I think from two sentences in a Boston Globe winter movie preview around Thanksgiving '05.  It intrigued me, I went web searching, saw the trailer, and was hooked immediately.

Had you read the story before you saw the movie?

No, and I didn't let myself read it until after I saw the movie.  Both enhanced the experience of the other.

When was the first time you saw it?

December 16, 2005.  I got home and the dam just broke.

How many times have you seen the movie?

5 in the theater, on average once every two weeks since the DVD came out.

Did you get any people to go with you? How many?

3 friends and I took my Mom - definitely the first gay-themed film she'd ever seen.  Still finding a way to get my Dad to watch.

I've also lent my DVD to a friend who probably wouldn't have seen it otherwise.

Which character did you most identify with?

Ennis, so much.  Fear has defined so many boundaries in my life, particularly with relationships.  I also tend to forget the wide variety of choices that are possible in life.

I also fell completely for Jack.  The way he breaks through the walls that Ennis tries to put up, I wish I could find someone who does that for me.  And it's adorable Jake, of course.

What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?

The tragedy of letting fear keep you from being close to someone.  I'm still working on this, it's damn hard.

Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?

The movie came along at a time when I was already processing some painful experiences from throughout my life, that had caused me to avoid (at times consciously and unconsciously) any intimate relationships.  This film showed me the danger of keeping myself "safe" by being alone, how it diminishes your experience of life.

I'm still alone, but getting closer.  I'm more emotionally open than I ever have been, and have started having friendships with men that I've never had before, that could lead somewhere.

I'm still conflicted about whether my BBM "magnificent obsession" on the whole keeps me from the world or brings me to it.  All I can say is that the film has caused me to take risks and it has offered me shelter from the world when I needed it.  And there was nothing I could do about it - "there ain't no reins on this one."

How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?

A link from the BBM page on Rotten Tomatoes.

When did you first join the forum?

Lurked from December to February, didn't post until March.

What made you join?

Two things

1. Need to share what I was going through emotionally in relation to this movie with people who understood.  Friends and family were indulging what they saw as temporary insanity!

2. As a tool to organize politically around the movie.  Love can be so hard in the first place, bigotry shouldn't be allowed to make it harder.

Do you remember your first post?

I cheated and looked at my archive.  It was my political side - a request in March for people to post positive reviews to Netflix, to balance out the folks condemning the movie without ever seeing it.  Ergh.

Thanks Again!

[BthovenRox]

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?

I simply had heard the buzz about the gay cowboy movie.  I decided not to see it... because I thought it would be full of stereotypes.  I also had heard that both the men were married.  This caused a great deal of turmoil within me because my stepfather was gay and I knew what he put my mother through.



Had you read the story before you saw the movie?

No.



When was the first time you saw it?

The third weekend in January on a Saturday night in Eastern Ohio.



How many times have you seen the movie?

I saw it 9 times in theaters in Ohio, West Virginia, and Pennsylvania.  One time I drove an hour and a half to see it because it was still playing.  I should correct myself.   I have only seen the entire movie twice- once the first night and the second time on Good Friday this year.   I could never watch Jack die again.  It was too close to home.  I couldn't and can't live it.  Ive seen the dvd maybe three times up to that point.  It remains sacred- I don't worship it... but rather I respect that with which it brings me to terms



Did you get any people to go with you? How many?

No one.  My gay male friends never saw it.  The gay female friends weren't interested til now.



Which character did you most identify with?

At first it was Ennnis because of the suffering fear had brought upon himself.  How many Jack's did I let get away in my life already?  Now, a year later, I identify with Jack.



What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?

I posted many, many times to this exact question!  This movie showed me reality and POSSIBILITY.  Someone about my psyche wouldn't believe anything I'd ever been told or read.  I had to see it.  My life changed forever.  It remains that way.



Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?

I was on the verge of coming out when I saw the movie.  I was having trouble because I didn't fit the gay stereotypes and I didn't see a place for me in the gay world.  THe movie showed me that there is no gay world- gays are literally everywhere and this movie really drove that home.  I'd had a romance for several years that was really quite bad.  I didn't see possibility in life.  Almost immediately after the first viewing,  many things changed.  I lost 30+ pounds, went out and did a series of theatrical productions (Id given up on theater- was just sticking to music- and then these things came to me), I was actually able to conquer the demons and find a life.  It's been the best year of living yet.  I am about to do it again!  I cried the night I first went to Brokeback.  I've never really cried since.



How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?

I needed to see and read and hear more about the movie and I was searching online.    It was a sustainance for a while.  The forum put me into contact with several others who were walking similar paths.  The soundtrack is haunting.



When did you first join the forum? 

Either in Feb or March 06



What made you join?

Really insightful posts from a variety of people all over the world.



Do you remember your first post? 

No but apparently it's going to be in the book!

[Ntkguy]

Celebrating one year of Brokeback Mountain





How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?

I had read the short story in The New Yorker when it first came out, was completely bowled over by it, but sort of filed it away in my mind for several years after reading it.  I think I first found out about the movie from a magazine article (cant really remember where exactly) and knew that I had to see this movie.



Had you read the story before you saw the movie?

I was subscribing to The New Yorker when the story first appeared there and read it there.  I remember doing a mental double take when reading the FNIT scene for the first time, and had to go back and reread it to make sure I had actually read what I thought I had read.  I remember thinking " I cant believe I'm reading what I'm reading- IN THE NEW YORKER OF ALL PLACES!!! "


When was the first time you saw it?

Last week in December 2005.



How many times have you seen the movie?

6 times in movie theaters and 6 or 7 entire viewings of the DVD as well as countless viewings of selected scenes.



Did you get any people to go with you? How many?

Went with two different friends (one twice) and the other three times by myself.



Which character did you most identify with?

Ennis- not so much because I'm not comfortable about being gay, because I am, but because like Ennis, I am a man of few words, and have allowed myself to be ruled by fear too often.


What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?

Most of the same that so many other people have already expressed- dont let your life be run by what you think other people might think of you, and tell people that are important in your life that you love them before it is too late.



Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?

I cant say that there have been dramatic changes, but there have been some.  As I mentioned, I have long reached a point in my life where I am comfortable about being gay, but being a very private person, I have never been much of a flag waver or gotten involved in anything politically as far as gay rights.  Although I have been out to my family for many years (and they have all been great about it), I have kept a low profile at work and also at the synagogue that I attend regularly.  Earlier this year I came out to a straight couple that I have known for several years, and probably wouldnt have done so if I hadnt seen Brokeback.  They are both great people, and I really didnt think they would have a problem with my announcing that I'm gay, so it wasnt what I would call a courageous thing to do, but seeing this movie made my more inclined to publically share this very important part of my life with people that are important to me, and not worry so much how people may react.  My synagogue  is in the process of starting a gay/straight alliance in an attempt to make our congregation more welcoming to gay people, and I have joined the committe (there are 4 of us as of now) to get the process started- again something I probably wouldnt have done a year ago before seeing Brokeback.  I never in my wildest dreams would have ever thought that seeing a movie could actually change some things about the way I live my life, but Brokeback definitely has, and in many ways, I think its going to be with me for the rest of my life.



How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?

After seeing Brokeback for the first time, I wanted to get my hands on absolutely everything that had been written about it and found the DCF on Google.  I was instantly hooked, and even though I have been more of a "lurker" than a "poster", visit the web site almost every day-cant believe its been almost a year since I officially joinged.

When did you first join the forum?

Januayr 1, 2006


What made you join?

Wnated to find out more about the movie and share the experience with others who were as blown away by it as I was.


Do you remember your first post?

Not really, but I'm always very frustrated that I just dont have the way with words that so many of you amazing people on this site do.  Just to mention a few- Painted Shoes, Jari, John John, Brad in Blue, McNell, Killers Mom, and so many more- you guys are incredible and are a constant source of inspiration to me.  And RicK B- you are the master of photo captioning (not to say that there arent a whole lot of other talented "captioneers" out there, and you constantly keep me laughing most of the time, and crying some of the time too. Most of all, thanks to Dave himself who I believe with this website has affected the lives of so many people for the good.






modified by CellarDweller115 to fix quote issue

[CharlotteV]

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?

I was going through great personal turmoil at the end of 2005: the end of my 16-year marriage and the serious illness of my brother.  So the news of the film did not engage me right away; it crept into my consciousness very slowly. Ironically, a girlfriend had asked me to go with her very early on. I remember thinking, “Oh, gay cowboys. Good – no women will get their hearts broken!”

Had you read the story before you saw the movie?

Yes. Once I had made plans to see the film, I made sure to read the story first, so I could compare them. I remember finding the story very hard going. It was unsentimental and so intense. I had to keep going back and starting again so I could retain everything I read as I went.  Since seeing the film, I’ve gone to hear Annie Proulx speak about the story and her work that followed. Someday I will get all my notes transcribed and posted…but the story retains its grip on me.

When was the first time you saw it?

January 2006, with a married couple I’ve known for many years. We were all deeply affected by it. I remember leaving the theater and telling them that my chest hurt. They worried I was having a heart attack! But I explained it was a different kind of hurt. I wanted to cry but couldn’t. Then I saw it again on Valentine’s Day with two single girlfriends. I wanted to find out if I would experience the same phenomenon again. I did.

How many times have you seen the movie?

Twice in the theater, twice when the DVD was first released, three times during the current HBO run.

Did you get any people to go with you? How many?

Went the first time with a straight married couple (the guy was very uncomfortable with the love scenes,  but surprisingly compassionate about the pain gay people often endure). Went a second time with two girlfriends.

Which character did you most identify with?

Most all of them at one point or another, which is a great strength of the film. Lureen for the slow erosion of the marriage she bears. Alma for the volcanic upheaval she internalizes until she can’t endure it any longer.  Cassie for her sweet sincerity that was doomed with a man who could never love her. Jack for his  willingness to jettison his comfortable life for a chance at real love with Ennis.  But as much as I hate to say it, I probably identify most with Ennis for his rage and self-loathing.

What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?

That love is rare, painful, inconvenient – and while it can be transcendent, it’s rarely redemptive. That fear holds most of us in its grip throughout our lives. That inertia over time becomes comfortable. That humans have a shocking capacity to hurt those we fear, hate or don’t understand – and yes, those we love.

Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?

In late 2005, I was several months into the separation from my husband of 16 years. I discovered that he had an entirely separate life I knew nothing about.  He is not gay; his duplicity was a different sort. But like Alma, my life changed in the space of a single, unbidden moment when I stumbled onto an undeniable secret. It was ruinous.  While I am functional most days, I am still having great difficulty coming to grips with the loss of my identity, income, standing in my community – and with the death of the dream I believed he and I were both working toward.

How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?

I honestly can’t remember! Probably a google search.

When did you first join the forum?

Just recently. For a long time I was overwhelmed by the vastness of it, and by the talents and creativity of the members.  Wondered what I could possibly add.

What made you join?

Seeing that there were so many others affected in that inexplicable way by “the heartbreaking yet oddly universal story of two gay cowboys in love.”

Do you remember your first post?

Sometime very general and safe. I think it was in the New Members thread.

[conny]

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?
on tv,advertising for the film,but had to wait long time after that before it finally was here in the netherlands!


Had you read the story before you saw the movie?
no,after the film,i searched for anything about it and bought the script


When was the first time you saw it?
i had seen several youtube vids of it and trailers,but think i saw the whole movie in februari


How many times have you seen the movie?
i stopped counting,a lot!! 


Did you get any people to go with you? How many?
yes i went with several different friends and after that watched it at home woth several others

Which character did you most identify with?
Ennis,for sure!


What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?
many,but the most important one,was that i didn`t want to end up so lonely in a trailer,like Ennis,and i was on my way of doing that,so i had to fight for becoming more a bit of a jack


Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?
i thought i was happy,but after watching it the first time,found it i wasn`t by a long shot.
In the past year i had my walls down,was more open,right now,i`ve just gone trough a rough period,and am a few steps back,walls are a bit up again,and i`m down,but i am fighting my way back up again and will be okay in time.the film keeps doing that for me.

How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?
just by searching the internet


When did you first join the forum?
riggt in the week after i saw the film the first time,had to share it

What made you join?
i wanted to talk about the film,my experiences,and by the sight of the number of memeber,already back then i knew i was gonna get what i was looking for,but never expected so many loving people,that would become friends and family!


Do you remember your first post?
yes,i introduced myself in the diner,posting a picture of me and my dogs!

[Dave Cullen]

Happy anniversary everyone. Great to see so many wonderful stories here.

I was trapped with the family this year and unable to reach my computer on xmas eve, but I find myself here 366 days later in the same ground-floor utility room of this corporate townhouse in suburban Chicago that the firm I used to consult for rents. (I'm no longer actively working for them until I finished my book, but they were nice enough to let me stay here anyway.)

And once again I'm overdue at my family's place, yet I'm logging on to this same forum--with a key difference being that there are more people here than just greg and meli this time. Sure got crowded in here--hehehe. Much of the crowd had already arrived at the blog and I'd grown quite attached to you all and it was a fairly big gamble hoping we could migrate everyone over here without losing half of you and we wanted it to be as welcoming as possible; we wanted to get every detail right so that people would smile when they arrived and stick around and pour lots of positive energy into it.

I could just not pull myself away this time last year. And when I got up Christmas morning, the first thing I did was run down the stairs to log on and see how it was germinating. (I believe I logged in from my sister's house last year, and I definitely came home that night and logged right on. This year I got home at 2 a.m. last night, nearly falling asleep at the wheel, so I waited till morning. Last year I probably would have logged on at 2 a.m. anyway, but you're older now and you don't need me looking over your shoulder every night.) But how ever old you are, I think I'll always be drawn back here. I think I'm going to want to log on every Christmas morning and see how everyone is.

This townhouse is on the market, so I don't think I'll ever do it from this seat again on Christmas. It won't feel quite the same. (I've got to say, sitting in this same chair in this same dark, sterile room looking out over the same gray Chicago skys, with these same gnawing feelings that "you're late! you're late! get in the shower! you're going to catch hell for this in an hour!) it feels incredibly familiar. I don't know where I'll physically be in 2007 and 2015 and hopefully 2055, but hopefully my fingers will be on a keyboard, or I'll be speaking into the voice-activation device, spilling out a goofball message to you guys on this website. Or whatever site it has evolved into.

See you then. And many times before.

[Sandy]

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?

I read the short story when it first came out. I had been a fan of Proulx's since "Postcards."

Sometime during late summer 2005, I read somewhere that a film of the story was due out.

Had you read the story before you saw the movie?

See above.

When was the first time you saw it?

I saw it at its premier in Connecticut in December 2005.

How many times have you seen the movie?

Six times in the theater, more on DVD.

Did you get any people to go with you? How many?

None. I wanted to see the film without distractions (as sociable as they might be).

Which character did you most identify with?

I identify with none of the characters. Maybe it sounds pedantic, but if I identify with a character in a piece of fiction, I risk projecting my own agenda on to that character and smothering what that character is trying to do or show us. I will indulge in an identification if the story is slow, the characters ill-formed, etc. No need in BBM, which performed a very difficult task artfully, by showing us, not hitting us over the head with a message.

What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?

Only the very general and unexpected: a film can still convey a tragedy in a way that shakes us to our very foundations.

Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?

Pretty much grounded in the same place. However, I now take much more seriously the potential of movies to serve as an art form (see above). I've read a lot of film criticism in the past year, seeing if I could gain a purchase on BBM's power to move.

How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?

Like many folks, I googled to find out what I could about the movie, and found the Ultimate Forum.

When did you first join the forum?

In springtime, over a 1000 posts ago.

What made you join?

Members took the story very seriously, and brought in a myriad of perspectives and new insights. These enhanced my enjoyment of the story even more. And I like the debates.

Do you remember your first post?

Yes, because I spent some time composing it offline on a word processor.  It dealt with the different levels of self-awareness that Jack and Ennis exhibited in the written story and in the movie. In a way, much of what I have responded to and posted since deals with how Proulx and Lee conveyed what they knew, what Jack and Ennis knew, and how we come to know what is going on.

The flip side of the question is: can I anticipate my last post? Not at this point. The story of a miracle of conciseness, artful in a way that many novels cannot reach, so there is still much to be found in and learned from it.




modified by CellarDweller115 to fix quote issue

[chapeaugris]

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?

Saw a mention of it somewhere in Nov. 2005, a movie about 2 cowboys who fall in love, which piqued my interest. Then read Anthony Lane's review in the New Yorker in December and knew I had to see it when he wrote something like "you'll crumple in the last scene as Ennis fingers the mementos of their summer on Brokeback Mountain" because it was hard to imagine Anthony Lane crumpling and I wondered what those mementos might be.


Had you read the story before you saw the movie?

No, though the New Yorker it appeared in must have passed through my hands because I've had a subscription for 20 years.

When was the first time you saw it?

December 28 2006, right here in my sister's living room in London. My brother-in-law belongs to BAFTA and I watched the DVD he had been given for the voting. Afterwards I crawled into bed and lay awake for hours. One month later I saw it in a cinema in Florida while visiting my parents.

How many times have you seen the movie?

2 times on big screen, 3 times all the way through on dvd plus bits and pieces

Did you get any people to go with you? How many?

Saw it with my parents the second time and they said it was very moving. We didn't discuss it afterwards. They were dealing with serious physical and mental health issues  and the problems of two fictional cowboys didn't amount to a hill of beans in comparison. I felt kind of guilty for constantly thinking about Jack and Ennis for the rest of the visit. All other viewings I was alone, which I prefered.


Which character did you most identify with?

Jack, because I had had his role in a relationship that changed my life. Imagine that upon hearing of the divorce, he first left Lureen before going to Ennis, and then was turned away. My experience was similar to that; the scene of Jack crying in his truck completely undid me.

What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?

One quite  different to those many others drew. Unlike Jack, I had walked away for good when I realised my Ennis was not going to budge. It was a wrenching decision, but I later realised that this unexpected relationship had helped me understand what it was I really needed. I moved on and met someone else. The movie validated my choice, and I grieved for Jack that he had not been able to quit Ennis.

Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?

I was happy with my life, and this film has not wrought any big changes in it. But it has made me appreciate my husband even more -- the man I would never have met had I not given up on my lover.

How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?

When I first did a  search after seeing the film I got a lot of results for French bloggers who were writing about it, because I was using the French version of Google. One of them had a link to this forum.

When did you first join the forum?

Feb. 9, 2006

What made you join?

I lurked for a while, and was relieved to find so many people who were as stunned as I was. I registered so I could tell my story but didn't think I'd post more than once.

Do you remember your first post?

I introduced myself and briefly described the relationship that had made me identify with Jack. Someone greeted me and invited me to visit other threads and I replied that I didn't want to spend too much time here or I'd never get any work done. Famous last words!

[Yeaah]

Happy Anniversary!!!  Many thanks to Dave and his Mod Squad!  

-----

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?

After the Venice Film Festival

Had you read the story before you saw the movie?

Yes!  At least 50 times.

When was the first time you saw it?

December 17, 2005. 

How many times have you seen the movie?

18 in 7 different theaters in 4 States (kept every stub).  At least 50 more of the DVD.  Prefer the Fullscreen version - many hommages to A.P.'s story.

Did you get any people to go with you? How many?

With college-age daughter the first time.  Alone the rest - prefer it that way.  Oh, once with hubby.

Which character did you most identify with?

Lureen

What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?

Life is messy - bad decisions are costly - love endures

Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?

Everything external is the same.  Interiorly, nothing is the same.

How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?

Google - UBBF

When did you first join the forum?

Lurked until mid-June.

What made you join?

An attempt to "get over" the movie.   *ahem* one year later...

Do you remember your first post?

I'm sure it contained gushes of enthusiasm .

THANKS!!

[freetraveller]

How did you first find out about Brokeback Mountain?

I am a bit ashamed to say (being Italian) I didn't know the film had won the Venice Film Festival, since I was on holiday when it won at Venice and didn't follow the news much at the time, and I heard about the film, its subject matter and how good it was from a very good friend of mine (heterosexual male), also Italian, who lived in London like me, who had just seen it and loved it.
He said I should see it too, and only warned me that I might have some difficulty understanding some of Heath Ledger's spoken lines, because of the Wyoming accent he was portraying and the "clenched fist" way he had of speaking the lines.
But he said even that didn't spoil his enjoyment of the film.

Plus I'd always been an admirer of Ang Lee's and I was intrigued to see how a Taiwanese director would tackle a story set in the American West.

Had you read the story before you saw the movie?

No, but I bought it soon after.

When was the first time you saw it?

Feb 16 2006, London

How many times have you seen the movie?

About 11 times at the cinema, innumerable times on DVD.

Did you get any people to go with you? How many?

I have watched it on my own at the cinema about half the times, the rest of the times I got close friends and colleagues to go with me. They were all enthralled with the movie.

Which character did you most identify with?

Jack, but also Ennis to an extent (they both reflect conflicting sides of my personality)

What lesson/message did you get from the story/movie?

The all-consuming power of love.

Human nature, the purity and honesty of human emotions as they are rarely portrayed on film.

How powerful intolerance and bigotry can be in certain sections of society.

And... I took notice of a certain Jake Gyllenhaal!!! (At first I couldn't believe he had such thick eyelashes for real, for a moment I'd thought he had mascara on... but then I thought... what cowboy would wear mascara in the depths of Wyoming in 1963???!!)

Where was your life when you first saw the movie? Where is it now?

I was mildly happy with my life, but I was not prepared for the emotional rollercoaster I went through when I saw the film.
The movie has made me more open minded, and much more aware and sensitive to certain issues.

How did you first find the Dave Cullen Forum?

One of the first Google results when typing in Brokeback Mountain

When did you first join the forum?

March 2006

What made you join?

Had lurked for quite a while, it took me some time to visit all the threads, then I wanted to make some contribution, share my views, post some interesting reviews I'd seen, etc.

Do you remember your first post?

It was on Jack's Eyelashes thread, and I wanted to share my emotion in watching the movie for the first time the same weekend Jake was in London winning the BAFTA for best supporting actor.

[Dave Cullen]

thanks to everyone who sent the nice xmas wishes. i'm a little too overwhelmed to reply personally to all of them, but i did read them all.

the holidays were nice and surprisingly refreshing. no fights at the fambly place and not even much tension, at least for me.

lots of distractions this month, though. looking forward to plunging back into my book and making real traction.