Surviving Abuse - The Effects & Recovery

[Amiennis]

It's an understandable reaction, Osprey. Yet I know that you realize that inflicting abuse on abusers just continues the pattern, and the main act of heroism on the part of those who have posted here is that they have managed to break the pattern. Forgiveness or indifference toward the abuser may or may not occur, but for the abused one to state, consciously or not, that he/she will not inflict what he/she has suffered onto others, particularly onto dependents, is paramount, primary, and heroic.

And yes, I can honestly state here and now, that I did not "pass it on" - and I will not deny that was quite difficult at times. But: I overcame it, and at least that chain has been broken.
I won, he lost.

And I thank you all - "never enough thanking, never enough thanking".
Marc

[fritzkep]

I won, he lost.

Right on, (((((((Marc))))))))!

[desertrat]

I won, he lost.

THAT is a perfect mantra, marc. to be said AT LEAST 100 times every day (or in every moment when his eyes come back haunting you.).

you DEFINITELY won. and i finally found the one good thing about your father: he sired YOU.

[paintedshoes]

I won, he lost.

THAT is a perfect mantra, marc. to be said AT LEAST 100 times every day (or in every moment when his eyes come back haunting you.).

you DEFINITELY won. and i finally found the one good thing about your father: he sired YOU.

What Martina said.  ^^

I am so proud to know all of you us that I could bust.  Here is the cycle broken, the pain acknowledged, the truth out in the light where it can be seen, the future positive, because we have come to trust and appreciate each other, and know that we are safe.

[annabel]

Marc, I've been away and just read your post.  I don't know what to say.  I just felt numb when I read it. 

[desertrat]

i'm sorry that i didn't please my dad growing up (i hated sports) but at the same time, i feel like saying "fuck him" for the rest of my life.. i really don't care what he thinks or thought of me, because he was wrong, i was just being myself.

you definitely have no reason to be sorry. we are not born to live the life of our parents (they had theirs already) but our own life. i'm glad you're doing that now, otherwise the world would miss something ! (imagine you would play soccer instead of entertaining us with GREAT photoshop artwork  ).

[desertrat]

i'm a bit late with all my replies today...

jack, that story of yours is GREAT ! i know how much courage this needed. i can see you, cool on the outside and trembling like a leaf on the inside (have been there, too). i hope your story will encourage all of us to stand up for ourselves and stop being afraid of the abusers.
congratulations to you !

[Brokeback_1]

Fritz,

Of course I realize that but you know what?  There are times when I read these stories that I just want to be a vengeful, nasty, little prick.

Osprey LOL!!!

and Osprey..Thank You

Jack

[gattaca]

.... But you are right about living with the memories - for me it was 29 years ago.  A lot of water has passed under the bridge since then, but those memories are still painfully vivid. 
...
Glenn

Glenn, Talking or in this case, writing about what has happened to us, at first seems to tear open those old wounds - even after decades.  It sort of does but it also HELPS US share some of that burden with our friends - people whom we've met here who really care about each other - though many of us have never met and just knowing there are other people out there who have walked similar paths is part of dealing with the pain as well - we are not alone.  I've been trying to catch up with the postings  over the past few days.   Ltr, Vincent

[gattaca]

Hi, Rather than reposting, here's a link to my posting in the affected thread --> http://davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=101.msg580561#msg580561

Later, Vincent

[Brokeback_1]

It was an amzing post first time and even more remarkable  to read it again Vincent. . love ya.

[Brokeback_1]

That's the thing Martina...i wasn't scared once I realised he didn't have a clue who I was. I was  quietly angry at that. It seemed inconcievable that someone could play with anyone so young, twist him, treat him like nothing and not remember who he was even as an adult.

So i was quietly angry, not scared anymore. And disgusted. It was hard to look him in the eyes, very hard.  But necessary, which is why i did it: I hadn't done anything, HE had! And he had made me believe I was the guilty one, so there was no way on earth i was NOT going to do it, even though I don't quite know how i managed it. i just...... detached, observed from the outside so to speak while grabbing ahold of who i was and not allowing myself, the knowledge of who i was, to vanish.  That detachment is a double edged sword, i learned to do it while being abused but it has come in handy at times lol.

What surprised me the most about well, ME was extending my hand. I thought I did it to be polite, but it just felt right. As it went out it hit me that I was making him an offer; he refused, too bad for his soul, mine did what it needed to do.

Still, it very much surprised me even as i did it...

I do remember one thing--after going home i took a long hot shower. It was as if i was washing him off of me. A guy like that leaves a sense of slime trailing after him.

[CellarDweller115]

Fritz,

Of course I realize that but you know what?  There are times when I read these stories that I just want to be a vengeful, nasty, little prick.

OMG....this soooo reminds me of something.  I'm not sure how mature I'm going to look at the begining of the story, but what the hell?


I remember when I would harbor all that anger towards everyone that abused me.  Every Halloween I would watch the Stephen King movie, "Carrie".  For those who don't know that movie, "Carrie" is about a high school misfit (Carrie) who is abused by everyone, and has an ultra conservative religious mother.  During her senior year, after a traumatic experience, she develops telekenisis.  Her mother claims she's now the devil's child.  She goes to her prom and the ulitmate nasty trick is played on her.  She lashes out with her powers, and kills her senior class.  I used to watch this and secretly cheer for her....."Do it!  Make them pay!"   


many years later, when I got a lot of my anger out of my system, and I made a decision to have a more positive life, and frame of mind, I watched it again on Halloween.  I swear, I cried.  My heart went out to that girl, who had absoluetly no one, including her home, which was supposed to be a safe haven.

[fritzkep]

Chuck, it is far better to move from immaturity toward maturity rather than the other way around. It's called, "growing up". 

[Brokeback_1]

fritz said it Chuck. you grew up.
i had a lousy time in HS, wanted the whole building to collapse.

It didn't.