How Brokeback affected me

[paintedshoes]

Brokeback Mountain has done something very seldom a movie can, It has provided us all a frame of reference to reflect our pain, sorrow, joy, love, hopes and aspirations. It gave us all a mirror to look at ourselves. It gave us a story that we could emotionally attach and this forum provided a place where to share our feelings.
Brokeback provided us with language of loss that we all could understand.  Brokeback hit us directly into heart and ripped our protective layers to shreds. It left us vulnerable and raw but also alive. Brokeback cannot provide meaning and purpose to our lives but it has exposed the need, shown to us that we may have lost our direction and we need to reclaim it.

Thank you Boris, from the bottom of my heart You put in words what has been haunting me since I saw BBM for the first time, some three weeks ago. And I wish my English was half as good as yours. I am Basque, like, supposedly, Joe Aguirre and the mule tender are. But I am not like them. I am a 46 years old gay male, who came to terms with his homosexuality at age 30 and, kind of, came out back then to a reduced bunch of friends. I am committed to a Christian community and have chosen to be celibate, because of my religious engagement.

Before I continue, I want to tell you all that this commitment makes of me the happiest man ever and that has been so for 15 years or so. It's my own way to be happy...

But comming back to the movie, I don't know what happens to me whenever I see it. It's been countless times (20?) and it hits me harder and harder every time. First, it reminded me of my own "Brokeback Mountain", when I was 19, like Jack and Ennis, in a camp. Back then, in our Country and with our background, both for him and me it was unthinkable to come out, even to confess our attraction to each other. It didn't last for as long as Ennis's and Jack's, but it was sweet and tender and filled my memories for years. So, BBM brought forth a flood of old tears for that pair of young boys, unable to express openly their love. But then, this feeling of sadness is always followed by a very deep joy and a desire of being truthful with myself and all the people I love.

I find it difficult to express my feelings, not just because of my lack of ability with English, but mainly because I don't know exactly what I feel! I am intensely moved by BBM, and I wish I knew how to quit it. Thanks to you all, nice people of this forum, I know that I'm not crazy -or all of us are

Perhaps, that's why I like so much the quote I chose form Boris (Thanks again!). Those words express far better than mine what I mean.

Thanks a lot.

Basqueboy, welcome to the best place in the world.  I'm so glad you found us and shared your story.  And you did so, beautifully.  Many of us came to this forum to help us figure out why we have the same feelings of immensity, the same need in our soul to understand what this film has done to us.  We may never know, though Boris's magnificent essay goes a long way toward experssing some of the ideas.  Look around, continue to share your thoughts with us.  Welcome to the family.

[NickInIdaho]

Pray tell, who is Chris maloni?

Andy, I had to look him up to, but I recognize him now....I had to do a google image search for him - plenty of pictures there!!

Nick

Nick,
The time stamp on Andy's post, subtracted from the time of your post, deducting the time for the google search itself, indicates that you stared at the pictures for nearly 15 minutes.  Tsk! Tsk!
 

Uuuuummmmm - I'm at work!  Uh, I got distracted by somebody!  really!!   LOL!!   

[Basqueboy]

Basqueboy, welcome to the best place in the world.  I'm so glad you found us and shared your story.  And you did so, beautifully.  Many of us came to this forum to help us figure out why we have the same feelings of immensity, the same need in our soul to understand what this film has done to us.  We may never know, though Boris's magnificent essay goes a long way toward expressing some of the ideas.  Look around, continue to share your thoughts with us.  Welcome to the family.

Thank you, paintedshoes. But I must tell you that I've been peering in and out this forum for more than two weeks now and that it wasn't till I read Boris's magnificent essay that I decided to apply for registration. But it has helped me so far in a way I never expected. I've cried many times reading the wonderful stories posted here, just because I feel so linked to so many of them... I hope it won't end in a long while...

[iver]

Quote from Basqueboy today at 01:58:45 PM

So, BBM brought forth a flood of old tears for that pair of young boys, unable to express openly their love. But then, this feeling of sadness is always followed by a very deep joy and a desire of being truthful with myself and all the people I love.

Boris, you explained excellently how this movie affects us and Basqueboy, you  put my feelings into words. I just came home from my third viewing feeling immensely happy and joyful through the tears. For me it is like being in love: You see the object of your feelings as perfect, and you want to become a better person to match his perfection.
Ennis and Jack are not perfect but their love is, and that's what I fall in love with.
This perfection makes me want to try even harder to be honest and truthful and loving to the people close to me, and that is a good feeling.
Love to all the members of this forum!

On another note: Earlier today I sent an e-mail to all my straight friends and relatives
asking them to go see the movie. I am curiously waiting for the response.

[DaveinPhilly]

Basqueboy -

Thanks you for your tender and beautiful words! (Your English is excellent). God bless you and welcome here to this group of friends.

Dave

[NickInIdaho]

Thank you, paintedshoes. But I must tell you that I've been peering in and out this forum for more than two weeks now and that it wasn't till I read Boris's magnificent essay that I decided to apply for registration. But it has helped me so far in a way I never expected. I've cried many times reading the wonderful stories posted here, just because I feel so linked to so many of them... I hope it won't end in a long while...

Welcome, Basqueboy!  I just wanted to say that many here have been helped by what has been shared. You have found a safe place to be yourself. This place has been likened to a hospital - some are in surgery, some in a coma, some are in intensive care, and some just like to hang out in the waiting room!  Wherever you're at, we're happy to have you!

Nick

[Nick_F]

Chris Meloni



he often appeared in tv series "OZ" - butt nekkid - google him for pics

[mcnell1120]

he often appeared in tv series "OZ" - butt nekkid - google him for pics


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Oh,I like him....isn't he the same guy that is in CSI Crime Investigations?  Did I get the right show...there's so many of them now.

[Nick_F]

he often appeared in tv series "OZ" - butt nekkid - google him for pics


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Oh,I like him....isn't he the same guy that is in CSI Crime Investigations?  Did I get the right show...there's so many of them now.

Hi Nellie - close Law and Order : Special Victims Unit

Nick

[petecam]

G'day..thought i'd add an Aussie to the mix(mind you i haven't worked thru the whole 194 posted pages yet!) I never go in forums online but as i've read here "first time" things are being stimulated in everyone.....can totally relate to the "kicked in the guts" and hit in the head sensations after seeing this wonderful,poignant story on screen...saw it 1st on Australia day Jan 26th, our big national holiday and if the huge audiences attending everywhere was anything to go by, this movie will have reached people from all walks....saw again three days ago...response even stronger...the triggered loneliness, remembrance of things/opportunities past crowding back in ....I am happily partnered with my man of 9 years and we have a brokeback we always find time to get away to...but the tears keep coming..what is this bittersweetness that has come to stay at present? What a great, warm, realistic , NON HOLLYWOOD representation of gay intimacy, well, just love  for that matter as that is what the heart of the matter is, albeit thwarted (thankfully, the only nod to a gay movie cliche).....am proud of our little aussie Heath (heathcliff,actually, that adds another romantic spin to him, doesn't it...)...a brave, excellent portrayal by all actors, writers and directors...peter.

[Wolf]

Thanks to wdj and trinket for the kind words and warmth  .  Yet again, I'm dumbfounded at the fellowship we're blessed with here.  May it be part of our lives for a good long while.

Dave, neighbour was deeply moved, much as expected, but has also come away feeling like 'a bit of an idiot' for having ever doubted the 'rightness' of two men (or women, for that matter - tho she has/had a particular problem with men) being in love.  Her world has shifted, in other words. 

Warm welcome to basqueboy.  Enjoy the ride!

I'm having a so so day today. Still buzzing from yesterday's viewing, but concerned about when next I can get to the Mountain.  Annoyingly tho, my sister (who has seen it) had the poor form to say "What the F ..., it's just a MOVIE" when I told her about the shirts selling for 100k.  Had to laugh when she said "what scares me more than the shirts selling for 100k, is the fact that you know about it"  .  Happily, another friend (middle aged married with kids) had being telling me 'you need to get out more' when I'd started waxing enthusiastic about BBM.  She saw it yesterday and is now a Brokeaholic.  Joy!

As part of my course of treatment, today I'm going to watch The Thin Red Line while smallest spawn having her midday nap.  I've seen it about 30 times, but not in past 2 yrs.  I have a feeling I'm going to see alot of connections, and that it will trigger an episode of BB fever.  The epiphanic feel both films has (IMHO at least) is so unique and unusual.  I'm moved to wonder if Ang Lee was in any way influenced by TTRL. 

W

almost forgot ... thanks you guys for reminding how ..... ahem ....... delicious Chris Meloni is.  I've been drooling over that man since he started in SVU and I thought I was the only one on the planet that found his particular brand of masculinity sexy as heck.  something about the suggestion of pent up rage and passion, coupled with clear intelligence and capacity for tenderness.  Lordy me but he's got the goods .....

[jack]

I can't recall if I have mentioned previously that Chris Meloni goes to my gym. The mere sight of him is a knee-weakening experience.

john...

did i tell you how much i enjoyed meeting you in NYC?  how about i come down a take a workout with you?  or 10?

jack

[mcnell1120]

LAW AND ORDER..SVU..yeah..that's tha ticket....LOVE him..Chris is hot....sorry,I'm still in love with Jackey baby,but this other guy,heck..I'll take him too....

Thanks for setting me straight.

[Wolf]

Hey Pete, welcome aboard, from a fellow Aussie  .

Isn't it just the most crazy business ....... this glorious madness?  I never want it to end. 

Incidentally, I LOVE what you said about Heath-cliffe.  I've been telling the 'unsaved' that BBM's love story is pure Wuthering Heights.  What a coinkidink  .

Hope to hear more from you.  It's fascinating to see the response mature and develop over time.  For me it's getting 'worse', if that makes sense.  I'd assumed it would get better, but there you go.   

I don't know where you are in oz, but where I am BBM is about to finish at major cinemas (bad enuf that it had a delayed release because Hoyts deemed the local demographic insufficienty sophisticated - I kid you not).  And as was ever thus, we're bound to wait a long time for the DVD release .

again, cheers and welcome

W

[karind1]

i just went to the theater again today    i think this makes theater 25 and screener maybe 8 or so or more.  anyhow, today- i wanted to cry and feel.  which i did, but i was happy at the end that ennis finally could let emotions out and show.  as long as he stayed alive-he got to start to change.  and guess what--that huge standee thing they keep in lobby- the manager had promised one to me and today i got to bring one home.  hopefully i will get other too and the posters and lobby cards when movie leaves their theater.  so here i have this honkin' gorgeous huge standee thing of jake and heath and the rolling stone review.  yahoooooooooo   and also i stopped at AAA and got my maps and tour books for my trip from los angeles to wyoming, montana and up thru calgary and other film sites up there and then i will go west thru Alberta and British Columbia and drive back home thru seattle, portland etc...and take the 101 down the coast until i get home.  late spring early summer, i do think.  ooh what a beautiful trip that will be.  alone of course...but with my camera.  i don't camp but will find places near sites.  gotta save moolah.  karin