How Brokeback affected me

[lightsrays05]

The pair share a great, unfathomable love, one that few may experience. True. But what is it that fashions that love into exquisite torture, when it should have brought happiness, contentment, relaxation and peace?

Indeed! They did live 20 years of Love that very few get to experience...

However, Jack for one, was not happy with the - he even uses a wonderful word that escapes me now - "situation".

So I don't think that that's good.

And while Romeo and Juliet is a tragic story because of the restrictive "monarch" hierarchy, this one is tragic because its WIDESPREAD  homophobia  that everybody experience.

Whether in a Monarchical society, Fundamentalist society or a Secular one.

[mountain boy]

...However, Jack for one, was not happy with the - he even uses a wonderful word that escapes me now - "situation".

Goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation?

[rjc]

Dear Fish,

I responded to your post on Sunday, but apparently it disappeared into the Internet ether, never to be heard of again.

Let me try a second time. I was touched by the glimpse into your personal life you felt safe enough to share. I think that this site fosters such openness, and that sense of a nurturing community is one of its key virtues.

I'm also a bisexual, middle-aged man, formerly married (for 20 years), now divorced. Although my life is neither Ennis's nor Jack's, much in their story mirrors much in my story--a story of regret and not having the courage to live an honest life. That cowardice has left me with an oppressive sense of loss, with the certainty that I'll never have another chance to make a life-changing connection. (Please pardon me if I seem to be waxing maudlin here.)

I also have children. They're the light of my life and not a day has passed since they were born--not a single day--when I haven't kissed and hugged them. At least I got that much right.

[Carl]

This has sucker punched me like no other work of fiction I have ever viewed or read.  It is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing at night. I rarely cry or should I say I never used to cry easily.  Each and every hope and fear I have about relationships and lonely old age have been magnified beyond reason. 

I am over forty and have been solitary for 14 years.  I simply gave up on love. It was too much trouble sifting through the trash.  I am similiar to Ennis in that I am not attacted to every guy I meet.   "One man forever" has always been my credo.  I can appreciate looks and engaging personalities but there has to be the hook of a real solid connection that has nothing to do with sex.  For me that is quite rare to find.    Now that I am no longer young and bodacious looking my prospects for a real connection seems remote.

I have seen the film twice and will go at least two more times with various friends.  I am obsessed and have spent many hours on the web searching for anything connected to the film.

I expect this to haunt me for quite some time.       
 

This was strange.  I thought I was reading my own text.  You described me to a T.  You are not alone, buddy.  Guys like us just have trouble with communication...I guess.  BUT, you are not alone.

[jack]

This was strange.  I thought I was reading my own text.  You described me to a T.  You are not alone, buddy.  Guys like us just have trouble with communication...I guess.  BUT, you are not alone.

CARL...

i said much the same, only i put it in a private message.  perhaps one of the unexpected benefits (unintended consequences?) of this film will be the dawning awareness that there are hundreds of thousands of us, older gay single and tired of it, men scattered around the country who aren't willing to become a sad shadow on the circuit.  and maybe it will rescue some of us who patrol the night in search of a moment,s physical connection at risk of our lives. 

i refuse to sell myself short, despite the overwhelming evidence that i am not valued by my "community".  i want to know, who died and left those shallow nitwits in charge of my sense of my own value.  not gonna happen!

gay, grey, proud survivor am i, ignore me at your peril.

jack     

[sotoalf]

Well, I attended my second viewing yesterday evening, this time with one of my best friends, a straight man (in theory).

It was PACKED, a much more diverse crowd than the first show. I saw groups of gay men, older couples, LOTS of young adult couples. What a difference it makes watching a film with other people; I cannot imagine how people prefer to wait for the DVD.

Anyway, the crowd laughed at all the best bits (Jack's drunken singing on Brokeback; all the harmonica jokes; "You girls want a push or somethin'?") and went hysterical when Alma catches Ennis and Jack making out. Very quiet during the tent scenes. During the motel scene (the reunion), when Jack coos, "Was it like that for you too?" several girls in the audience cried, "Awww!"

This screening didn't enervate me to the degree that the last one did, maybe because I brought a companion. This makes all the difference. A few things were clearer too. Among them:

(1) Jack Twist is clearly, indisputably, gay. He may be closeted, but there it is. He cruises Ennis in the film's first scene (the audience was WELL aware of this, even the straight ones; there were a few chuckles), consents to being the bottom without hesitation, doesn't hide his physical attraction for Ennis (I'll say once again: Gyllenhaal is marvelous. On my first viewing I missed how Jack licked his lips after driving out to see Ennis when the latter gets his divorce), does begin an affair with Randall, and for all intents and purposes outs himself to his parents. This is the crucial step. Any discussion must come to terms with this. Jack was, at the very least, much more comfortable with his sexuality AT THE END OF HIS LIFE than Ennis was or ever would be.

I'll post more thoughts after breakfast.

[SouthernJoe]

Howdy yall
i have been to see this movie 2 times.  i am not sure i have ever did that before.  i saw it with a gay dude buddy the first time and went alone last night to see it again.  it is real hard for me to try and write down things on how i feel.  i got a gut feelin that this movie is goona change alot of my life and how i look at stuf. i have only had 1 thing with a dude and it was for good while on and off before and after we was both maried. it last until he got killed in a car wreck.  i have been alone since then as far as dudes go but have dated women.  i broke off the last girl thing in the fall cause she was gettin serous and i no it wasnt what i really really wanted deep in my hart.  i have never been able to figure where i fit in with a gay life.  i do construstion work and i no i am not real smart but i have always no i like dudes best. the boys i work with would have a fit with they no i was queer. but this movie was the first gay dudes i felt like i was seein me. i went to a gay bar 1 time and it just wasnt my thing. it is ok if you like that and the guys were purty freindly. but i was so scared just to be in that place.  i cant stop think about this movie and it makes me wanna be able to stop lyeing to folks and not be so scared. reeding stuf on here has helped me alots but seeing that movie has made me really look at my live and where i am headed.  i dont like how i am living and not being honest with folks about myself.  i just dont understand why some folks hate us and they dont even know us.  i aint never hurt anyone on purpose in my life and sometime the things i hear and reed people say makes me wanna cry.  after my freind got killed i figured i would most likly be alone forever and never let anyone really no me. but after seeing this movie and reeding stuf on here that is gonna change. this is one ole boy that has made up his mind that folsk are goona no who i really am. thank you brokeback mountain and everyone on here.
your buddy
joe

[PetterG]

Hi Joe,
and thanks for that comment - I was just thinking of You, and I don't think I'm the only one who has been very moved by Your story.
I'm very happy that the movie has had an positive impact on You, I was afraid that it would have made You even more sad and very pessimistic about the future as a single gay guy.
If Annie P, Ang Lee and the other could understand what they have done, how many lives they have 'changed' (hopefully in a positive way).

[SouthernJoe]

Howdy again
the first time i saw it it did make me very very sad and feel more alone than i had in some time. i went camping by myself on new years eve. the weather was reel nice here and not reel cold. i layed in the tent all night just thinkin about stuf and i kep thinkin about the end of the movie and thinkin damn is that goona be me. like him alone in that trailer. i actually live in a trailer now so i am partway there. some guys on here have write to me and said stuf that has got me thinkin and helped alot. and when i saw it last night by myself it made me see more that i am just like the innis dude and i have hid this thing so deep in me for so long i cant stand it no more. i got some tuf days a head but it will work out like its suppose to. maybe if more folks who hid like me will not do that it will help. and to be real honest i been thinkin about all this alot lately before reeding stuf on here and the movie came along. i cant help but think the good lord sent all this to me for a reason.  well enough from me  i am just takin up space on here from you folks
again  thank yall
your buddy
joe

[mountain boy]

... i got some tuf days a head but it will work out like its suppose to. maybe if more folks who hid like me will not do that it will help. and to be real honest i been thinkin about all this alot lately before reeding stuf on here and the movie came along. i cant help but think the good lord sent all this to me for a reason.

Joe, you're every man's dream. Hang in there and take care of yourself along the way.

[dancam22]

As with many of you I too feel that BBM has told my story.  There is one thing I would like to share with you all from my own personal experience.  LOVE is in and of itself.  As in the film's promotional tag line "....a force of nature".  A divine gift, that heeds not the incapacity of us mere mortals to comprehend it all.  All the grief, heartache, regrets, agony, pain, the I can't take it any more are nothing compared to that sweet joy of Love. Its only antidote is itself. Ennis and Jack were touched by the God's and not to be judged in our mere mortal terms.  Their lives are not failures, there is no loss in LOVE.  LOVE is not something you find by seeking, it is bestowed on two people from above, even to be worthy has nothing to do with it.  Ennis and Jack are examples of LOVE's wonderfull exaltation and while we can and should be sad at the film's conclusion, their bond of LOVE is eternal, Brokeback Mountain is something they will always have, not even death can take that away.   

[WLAGuy]

this is one ole boy that has made up his mind that folsk are goona no who i really am.

Joe, I wish you could see my face right now.  I'm grinning from ear to ear with tears rolling down my face.  I am so f--king proud of you and happy for you. 

Joe aka WLAGuy

[charles]

I am obsessed and have spent many hours on the web searching for anything connected to the film.

I expect this to haunt me for quite some time.

The depths to which this film is bringing one person after another is a phenomenon I have never experience before.  Admittedly, the ability to be in touch with anonymous others so broadly and swiftly via the internet is a factor in discovery and facilitation.  None the less, at the heart of BBM is the sense conveyed to me by a friend that reads, in part, "What hit home was the realization that even in the most ideal or intense relationships in life we eventually confront the reality that there is an incompleteness, an aching loneliness that, married, single, straight, gay, male, female, rich, poor must eventually be recognized and accepted.  Even a world of toleration and acceptance cannot shield us from this part of the human condition."  My friend goes on to embrace this reality, and finds, miraculously, that his world opens up by doing so.  That is a grace. I experienced your post with great empathy.  I share much with you as well as with my friend.  Oh, yes, I too used the word "haunt" right after I saw the film.  We are in these respects anything but alone.

[DaveinPhilly]

First I want to say to Joe - you are not alone in this and finding the strength to really be who God made you to be is the way forward. Be true to yourself and your feelings - that's what human beings are meant to do.
And to DanCamm22 You echo my feelings exactly. These guys had the most precious things there is - their love for one another. It doesn't matter who it is if you can find someone to love - and they don't always need to be there the same way for you - if you can really love someone that's all there is. Ennis & Jack had that. It didn't last like a Hollywood ending, but in the end Ennis still loved Jack.

[aceygirl]

As a middle-aged, married man, this story and movie have made me more determined to re-examine my career and my job; I don't love what I do any more and it's time for a change.  I need to take a look at opportunities and see what I could be missing.  I'm also determined to reconnect with old friends and strengthen the friendships I have.  I'm more of an Ennis type and expressing emotion is difficult for me. I want to tell my wife and my kids I love them more often.  I want to hug my friends and tell them how special they are to me.  Finally, I'm more determined than ever to become friends with another bisexual married man with whom I can be completely myself.  I need to shake this feeling of loneliness while being surrounded by a loving family, lots of friends, and a busy life.

Since today is New Year's, sounds like a great bunch of resolutions for 2006!

P.S. My advice (for what it's worth) - if you can stand it, don't watch the Logo special.  I couldn't stop myself and regret it.  I think it took something away from the viewing experience having seen many of the scenes already.

Good for you Fish! I also turned to my boyfriend after seeing the movie and felt so much more grateful to have someone I WANT to be with..the first time I saw the movie was with one of my best friends in the world, a gay male soulmate...we want to do a loving theatrical spoof of it now.

But I don't agree abuot the LOGO special...I saw it, but it only WHETTED my appetite for the movie...I don't think it spoiled it all, for me...then again, I cried even more the second time than the first, so maybe nothing would have had an effect anyway, personally.


Just curious, you don't have to answer and I apologize for being nosy...but does your wife know you're bi?
I know an ab-fab couple, where the guy identifies as bisexual, the woman as straight...but she knows and accepts his bisexuality because she knows SHE is his partner, no matter his attraction for others, men or women....so much healthier a relationship than him having to hide aspects of his true nature. My boyfriend also knows I'm bi but that I am committed to monogamy with him. I feel like Ennis and Jack could have had the most monogomous, loving relationship ever desired by any society...if only Ennis had been brave enough.