How Brokeback affected me

[mountain boy]

Thanks wdj, I'm glad I'm not the only hopeless romantic around here.  (I know it's not reality, I know it's a grittier story than that, but a girl can dream...)

   

[rjc]

I've seen the film twice now (within four days). Both times I found it shattering.

I knew I was going to cry because I cried during the trailer--especially the scene of Ennis caressing Jack's shirt--but I wasn't ready for my reaction in the theatre. After the film was over, I sat there breathless with tears streaming down my face. I felt I'd been punched in the stomach. Why?

A couple of reasons come to mind. It's the only legitimate love story I've seen on film. It goes beneath the surface to plumb the depths of emotions. It's quiet and profound and real. But I think what affected me most was its treatment of memory--how memories can console and nourish, but also how they can be like a knife in the heart. Our memories--Ennis's memories--keep fresh the realization that we squandered our one chance for fulfillment and will never--never--have that chance again.

[michaelflanagansf]

I want to believe that Lureen was bisexual and had a very comfortable and open relationship with Jack - and (thanks Mark!) she actually went after him in the first place because "she heard some talk about him" over by the pool table.

I'm not sure about Lureen's bisexuality, but my feeling during her last scene, when she's telling Ennis about what happened is that she is sad about the futility and waste of the whole situation and angry at Ennis for not getting it together soon enough to make Jack happy.

This certainly makes a lot more sense to me than having her plot Jack's death.  And I think the reason the speech sounds rehearsed is that she DID rehearse it for when Ennis called.  As she knew he would.  As she says: 'I know who you are...."

[M. Alexander]

I'm still trying to figure out how to respond here, but I'll try. I have just come back from a dinner party here in NYC where there was a mixed (if mostly gay male) group of people. Two women and six men. Great food, great friends, good conversation. All of a sudden someone (and it wasn't even me) brought up BBM and it was as if someone had just opened up a geyser. Everyone had seen it and virtually everyone wanted and/or needed to talk about it. This continued until some other guests showed up - damn - and sent the talk elsewhere. But it proved to me that I'm not the only one among my friends who has just been consumed by this story. I have so enjoyed reading the posts on this site and even though I seldom can manage the eloquence that so many others I have, I know I share the passion that these tremendous works of art (first the story, now the film) have engendered in people all over our country. Happy New Year everyone. Here's hoping Brokeback will help to make 2006 a better year than 2005 was!

[mountain boy]

I want to believe that Lureen was bisexual and had a very comfortable and open relationship with Jack - and (thanks Mark!) she actually went after him in the first place because "she heard some talk about him" over by the pool table.

I'm not sure about Lureen's bisexuality, but my feeling during her last scene, when she's telling Ennis about what happened is that she is sad about the futility and waste of the whole situation and angry at Ennis for not getting it together soon enough to make Jack happy.

This certainly makes a lot more sense to me than having her plot Jack's death.  And I think the reason the speech sounds rehearsed is that she DID rehearse it for when Ennis called.  As she knew he would.  As she says: 'I know who you are...."

Thanks mfsf - and yeah, re: bisexual - I'm gonna change my line here a tad - lemme say instead

I want to believe that Lureen was bisexual and had a very comfortable and open relationship with Jack - and (thanks Mark!) she actually went after him in the first place because "she heard some talk about him" over by the pool table - maybe she was even bisexual herself.

re: speech sounds rehearsed - I would mark that up to having told the story a hundred times already to so many people. What really made her cry was to suddenly realize - this is the man my friend, my husband, loved. And he must be hurting very much.

[gardener]

First I like to give thanks to Dave & others for providing a forum for people to have a place to express their thoughts & feelings that came from watching BBM, but for me mostly just to read from the articles posted by so many, and to feel a sense of connection and relief.  It makes life that much more meaningful, and provided many insights into my own state of being.

I have watched BBM twice.  The first time it went over quickly.  I was greatly ensnarled by the emotional world of Ennis and Jack.  There were no tears, and I left the theatre slightly disoriented.  For the following days, deep sadness came over, and late at night just before sleep, overwhelming and unfamiliar fear of growing old and being lonely struck me over and over again like ocean waves with precision and discipline.

In the beginning, I thought these were just the result of watching a really good movie that hits too close to home for comfort, but as my regular favourite TV shows and other movies become lacklustre and unsatisfactory, I realized something deeper was happening within.  There was a time in my life when a choice had to be made between existing duties and perceived personal happiness; I chose to honour the relationships and duties that existed, and let go of the relationship that was struggling to find shape.   As time went by, I did not regret my choice.  I learned to love and respect in a different way and managed to smooth out some of my own rough edges and extremely critical tendency.  I learned to build and enhance the existing relationships, and found much joy in doing so.  I put more focus on what I perceived to be a spiritual pursue, reading spiritual books, doing spiritual exercises, and doing my best to integrate all the principles I learned into daily life.  Sublimate -- I decided, would be the way.  The effort was by no means futile, for I do sense the increasing peace & many moments of clarity and inspiration.

As the surprising waves of loneliness were invading my normal routines after watching the movie, I thought about seeing BBM again.  Yet I was fearful of going into that sadness again.  Why should I go see a tragedy when what I should be doing is focusing on the positive and moving forward unwaveringly?  Why should I deliberately seek out heartache and depression?  Even the simple decision of watching BBM again took on exaggerated importance and difficulties.  I had already paid my dues living through the messy and confusing emotional turmoil before; why should I knowingly drag myself through the mud again by way of a movie?  Why should I get into all THAT again?

People bring different gifts and blessings into a relationship, but sometimes, even those are not enough.  In those days, soon after the beginning “honeymoon” period, I started to calculate the relationship in more tangible terms, and decided that tangible fairness is a necessity for me.  I base my choice, strangely enough, on comfort, security, and conscience.  Instead of seeing the laughter and humour as the blessings I’m receiving from the relationship, I saw the financial demand and the disruption of the status quo, which I was unwilling to assume.  My logic clearly calculated that this is a no go, whereas the already established relationships are safer, more convenient, and a duty one must discharge; it was still a work in progress that should not be discarded, and I see no way to reconcile the old and the new.  They are in my mind, mutually exclusive.

After the decision was made, I did experience pain and ache, especially when the head, heart, and body were pulling in different directions.  With time and effort, I was able to slowly cajole all three of them to move in some kind of unison and rhythm, and in the same general direction.

My friend and I stayed in contact by email since he lives in a different country now.  Occasionally, he would as if in jest make some wild suggestions and asked, “What’d you think?”  Yet, I’m now learning to do and finish one thing at a time. 
So I talked to him about something else.

Today after much mulling and sweats, I finally gave in and saw BBM the second time, thinking that perhaps this would be like a flu shot and I could become unaffected by its hold and mood.  I was surprised that even though I shed some tears at the end, I felt much lighter.  I’m sure all the hours spent on reading the various discussion forums about BBM had helped healed something.  Of what that something is I could not be sure.

[whelmed]

This movie opens in my city next weekend and I hadn't heard anything about it until the Golden Globe nominations came out. Before that I had always felt turned off by the ideas of cowboys or horses in movies. Westerns just weren't my thing any more than movies full of white wigs and British accents.

Then I heard about the plot, which caused me to track down the reviews, which led me to read the short story once. Then again. Then I watched every video clip available and then I downloaded the soundtrack, which I listened to as I read the story a third time, and now again as I type this. I've read many posts on this site and there are times when just for a moment I feel very un-alone.

But if my feelings as I type this are any indication as to how I will react to this film, then I'm not sure I can go to this movie with any of my friends just yet and experience the reaction that I long for -- that deep impact of which many of you have spoken -- because none of them has any idea that this story might as well be my very own.

So I sit here, and start to wonder if my decision to go see this movie in the theaters next weekend isn't also a profound parallel to the decision to tell somebody, anybody, in my circle of family and friends how I feel. That I long for a connection with someone in the way it seems this film portrays, but with a satisfying and long-lasting ending.

And because of this I see so many reasons why it's important that this movie has been made. It will affect people like me who just need to start living a genuine life. And it might make those people around me a little more understanding when that life begins. Even if it just influences people like me to take that one extra step towards authenticity, then it doesn't matter if Brokeback Mountain wins any awards or makes a hundred million dollars. For many of us, that one step is priceless.

A week ago, I would never have posted to a board like this. That's my one step. A week from now, I hope I have the courage to take one more and see this movie.

[wxman90]

gardener and whelmed,

the BBM family welcomes you with open arms.   thanks for sharing your personal stories.

[learning soul]

At the core of this shattering film is its authenticity.  Our hearts beat with theirs.   

There is so much cultural garbage and pretense.  A shining heap of an example is VH1’s “Celebreality” depicting shallow quasi-celebrities play-acting at being human.  News doesn’t fare much better, with smug reporters or pundits screaming at each other.  So much noise.  Not much meaning. 

So here is a story that seems simple, but is rich and complex, leaving the viewer emotionally devastated… as well as uneasy.  Because, as you leave, the inevitable question looms: “Did I make all the right decisions in my life?”  Few films prompt such soul-searching.

The contempt shown for Ennis and Jack begin with their painful childhoods, and is carried through their relationships.  In the short story, a young Jack is urinated upon by his father, as punishment for missing the toilet.  A young Ennis is led to the corpse of a man by his own father, and scorched with that traumatizing memory, even defined by it.   Later, Jack is scorned by a ‘clown’ (who isn’t even worthy of Jack); his father-in-law hurls a set of keys at him.   

Their oasis is each other.  That’s how good real love feels.  There is a sacred element to real love, a purity that transcends sexuality.  Real loves strips us bare, and like the symbol of the shirts, real love fits. 

Contempt is a result of narcissism.  Many of us have been subjected to contempt.  Certainly gays, including a friend who was almost bludgeoned for simply standing up for himself.  A poor man in a Trump-sneering world.  A plain girl ridiculed by fashion and beauty panelists.  Heavy or fat, you’re definitely a target.  Race and religion are too.   

Feeling and depth are the antidote to narcissism.  This movie has the realness most of us crave.  To be alive, to really be alive, and to be with your truest love, heterosexual or homosexual, to build a career that’s based on passion and not on money, to choose to have children because you really want them, not because you’re a conformist.   Otherwise, you have a counterfeit existence.

Many decisions we make become our life’s trajectory, our path.  That’s why this film is powerful, why the feelings burrow deep into your heart and haunt you for days after.   Regret is a horrible fate.

I’m a heterosexual, married, middle-aged woman who’s as conventional as it gets.  And I loved this film.  Go see it.  Be changed. 

Thanks for assembling this message board, and I’ve enjoyed reading the postings.  Very thought provoking.  That’s what a good film does… provokes feelings and thought, intellectual exploration.

[PetterG]

very simple: I'm thinking of it all the time.

I was at an opera concert earlier today, the theme was love so it was a lot of well known opera songs, i e from Carmen, Turandot etc. When I heard these songs about love I started to think about E & J and their story - and the tears come...

I was very hard for me to explain to my friends why I was crying - it was due to a film I haven't seen!

[Fish]

I have been obsessed with the story and movie for a couple of months now and could not wait to see it.  I finally slipped out of work early, zipped downtown, and caught an evening show by myself.  No one I know has seen the movie (I live in conservative, middle-class surburbia) so this forum is the only outlet I have - thank you everyone!

All I can say is - unbelievably powerful.  I've always been an Ang Lee fan and have been blown away by most of his movies.  When I walked out of the theater the only word I could think of was melancholy. I thought it was one of the saddest movies I have ever seen.  As many have posted, it's sadness over what was lost, what could have been.  It's sadness that we don't live in a world that embraces love in any form and allows it to be.

As a middle-aged, married man, this story and movie have made me more determined to re-examine my career and my job; I don't love what I do any more and it's time for a change.  I need to take a look at opportunities and see what I could be missing.  I'm also determined to reconnect with old friends and strengthen the friendships I have.  I'm more of an Ennis type and expressing emotion is difficult for me. I want to tell my wife and my kids I love them more often.  I want to hug my friends and tell them how special they are to me.  Finally, I'm more determined than ever to become friends with another bisexual married man with whom I can be completely myself.  I need to shake this feeling of loneliness while being surrounded by a loving family, lots of friends, and a busy life.

Since today is New Year's, sounds like a great bunch of resolutions for 2006!

P.S. My advice (for what it's worth) - if you can stand it, don't watch the Logo special.  I couldn't stop myself and regret it.  I think it took something away from the viewing experience having seen many of the scenes already.

[littlebad]

learning soul and fish: I agree with so much of what you both have said, its strange that a film of a short story can have such an impact on so many people. Following a truly awful year I hope to change things so I stop doing and living for others and start to find something real and worthwhile instead of ending up regretting so many wasted years.

[jack]

learning soul... dang, that girl can WRITE!!

[Lance]

yes, indeed. i thought everything Learning Soul said was right on the mark.

[pdxbennett]

This has sucker punched me like no other work of fiction I have ever viewed or read.  It is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing at night. I rarely cry or should I say I never used to cry easily.  Each and every hope and fear I have about relationships and lonely old age have been magnified beyond reason. 

I am over forty and have been solitary for 14 years.  I simply gave up on love. It was too much trouble sifting through the trash.  I am similiar to Ennis in that I am not attacted to every guy I meet.   "One man forever" has always been my credo.  I can appreciate looks and engaging personalities but there has to be the hook of a real solid connection that has nothing to do with sex.  For me that is quite rare to find.    Now that I am no longer young and bodacious looking my prospects for a real connection seems remote.

I have seen the film twice and will go at least two more times with various friends.  I am obsessed and have spent many hours on the web searching for anything connected to the film.

I expect this to haunt me for quite some time.