How Brokeback affected me

[Nelson]

Hi i'm Nelson - long time lurker, first time EVER poster - and i'm a brokeaholic. I've seen BBM ten times since dec 21st. Brokeback Mountain affected me in ways i have yet to fully comprehend. I thought the overwhelming emotions would wear off with the passing of time, but to no avail. They stay with me no matter the number of viewings, growing deeper. I got the DVD today, watched it tonight and it was just as powerful on a small screen. Maybe more so, having no one around to refrain me from crying.

Brokeback is one of the most important things i ever experienced. It has become something very precious, profound, life-changing, even sacred.

I thought i didn't need anyone in my life. A boyfriend, what a burden. Always having to decide what to eat, what to see, what to do. I ought to know, i've had two boyfriends with whom i lived. Then it punched me in the gut after my first viewing of dec 21st: i had been lying to myself for years. I realized i needed to be loved, to be loved by a man i'd love back. I had forgotten the positive sides of living with someone. Brokeback woke me up. This was the first lesson i learned and i know there are more coming my way.

If i decided to write tonight after having lurked for more than two months it is because i can't take it anymore, having no one around to talk to about BBM, or anyways no one remotely as profoundly affected as i am.

Just like so many of you, Brokeback is changing my life. Changing has begun. Here. Thanks to you.

Nelson

P.S. I should post in the franco-thread tomorrow.

[MarkC]

Merci Nelson,

Beau témoignage.

S'il y a une chose qu'on apprend avec BBM, c'est d'agir, plutôt que de subir. Bonne chance à toi et oui, contribue au fil de discussion français s.t.p.

Marc

[bradINblue]

If i decided to write tonight after having lurked for more than two months it is because i can't take it anymore, having no one around to talk to about BBM, or anyways no one remotely as profoundly affected as i am.

Just like so many of you, Brokeback is changing my life. Changing has begun. Here. Thanks to you.

Nelson

Nelson, BBM gave us missing tools. It provided clarity in a muddy world. It confirmed, like nothing before, that we love with our hearts--not with that which is between our legs. Life changing? Yes. Self affirming, absolutely. Carry on.

brad

[djbdc9]

I watched it alone tonight.  Would love to watch with someone sometime.
Paul

Paul,
I will be watching BBM alone as well.  No one around me has been affected, not to mention deeply moved, as I seem to be.
There is one person left, a very good friend, who has not seen BBM.  But I feel that I don't want to be there for the first viewing in case the reaction is something like 'well that was sad, now what shall we do for dinner?'  Would love to watch with someone sometime too, but I guess it would have to be someone from here.
And I just have to add that your posts about you and Billy, which I read yesterday, are truely touching. I have your picture from 1955 on my clipboard, along with Ennis and Jack's BBM poster photo. 
David

[SwissCowboy]

What do you do when you sit in a movie which begins with a story that is totally you and your friend.

I never was able to write this and I might not be able to write it again.

Ennis is my story and my Jack left for the clouds. All that was 27 years ago and this movie brought back every detail, every word.
It was spring in 79 when I met a guy during a concert (can't recall who played). Same age, same interests, same occupation, same.... He wanted to meet me again, I agreed. The words spoken where just the same as in the movie.
I remember the morning after our very first intimate night in the woods: "that was a one shot thing" (just in German) and I also said I'm not queer (verkehrt), for me still a much nicer expression than gay.
But things moved on and we had to meet again, again. This guy showed me the world tried to give prospective, future, but I denied. "You know it could be like this....
I just couldn't handle it. "If this thing crabs hold of us us at the wrong time at a wrong place, we're dead. My words my sense and how did Ang Lee know about our words??....
Still our friendship moved on all summer long. He wanted to move... I remember to Canada's West (today I know exactly the spots where the film was made, as I have been around for snowboarding so many times just around the corner). He was so full of energy and I just blew it of. I just felt in despair I was so unsure and that is why I feel so much with Ennis.
Summer went to fall and he even brought me a cowboy hat for our horseback excursions he organized. I never found the spots we went to, though it was so close where I was brought up.
We fought, we loved, we had endless discussions, we joked, but I just did not make it ... Anyway .
Sometime in September we saw us last. As I did not get any call from him after about 4 weeks I made the effort to call his parents. He also took my denim jacket which I did not realize. His mum picked up the phone (difference to the film) and told me.:..  He surpassed his disease.... and by the way I threw away that denim jacket he wanted to be buried in....
I was just not able to speak to anybody, got drunk, got bad and I swore never to touch or hurt anybody again. ... The promise has kept for a very long time, but during my travels I met a person and married we had and we have a wonderful life, but Brokeback is back again and I am feeling still so bad about it. However seeing the film more often helps me to understand and to respect. I feel not guilty anymore that he committed suicide. More I hold the nice memories in my hand.
I hope you apologize my writing as I am not a native English speaking person. But I wanted to share this...

My homepage which I started is www.brokebackcowboys.de.tf

[Zuraffo]

http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976740706

Take a look..

[DaveinPhilly]

Hi i'm Nelson - long time lurker, first time EVER poster - and i'm a brokeaholic. I've seen BBM ten times since dec 21st. Brokeback Mountain affected me in ways i have yet to fully comprehend. I thought the overwhelming emotions would wear off with the passing of time, but to no avail. They stay with me no matter the number of viewings, growing deeper. I got the DVD today, watched it tonight and it was just as powerful on a small screen. Maybe more so, having no one around to refrain me from crying.

Brokeback is one of the most important things i ever experienced. It has become something very precious, profound, life-changing, even sacred.

I Just like so many of you, Brokeback is changing my life. Changing has begun. Here. Thanks to you.

Nelson

Welcome, Nelson. Although some of us have been posting for months, the same things remain true for all of us. BBM has awakened new ways of looking at ourselves, our relationships and we're not done yet - as we say here. So much good has come from the positive conversations here.

 Yes, love - needing it, cherishing it, spreading it around. Leaving shame behind. Breaking out of the self imposed closets - all of these things can help make us stronger and more complete as human beings.

DaveinPhilly

[Carissa]

http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976740706

Take a look..

I like the title of the campaign, "No straights left behind".   

[mcnell1120]

Merci Nelson,

Beau témoignage.

S'il y a une chose qu'on apprend avec BBM, c'est d'agir, plutôt que de subir. Bonne chance à toi et oui, contribue au fil de discussion français s.t.p.

Marc

My gosh...I actually understood some of this..and I never took french.....so cool !! Yes,contribute your thoughts and welcome...so glad you  chose this site too...

Nellie

[BayCityJohn]

Gene Pitney died at age 65 today.

I bet Jack and Ennis listened to some of his songs. My Favorite in 1964 was 'It Hurts to Be In Love'

http://www.angelfire.com/music4/crhay26/Pitney.htm

[Sebastian]

Gene Pitney.... ahhhh....  "Only love can break a heart...  only love can mend it again"
[something like that]


Thanks to all of you who are posting your incredible stories.

[BayCityJohn]

Gene Pitney.... ahhhh....  "Only love can break a heart...  only love can mend it again"
[something like that]


Thanks to all of you who are posting your incredible stories.

Only Love Can Break a Heart (Bacharach/David)

Only love can break a heart
Only love can mend it again

Last night I hurt you
But darling remember this
Only love can break a heart
Only love can mend it again

You know I'm sorry
I'll prove it with just one kiss
Only love can break a heart
Only love can mend it again

Give me a chance to make up for
The harm I've done
Try to forgive me and let's keep
The two of us one

Please let me hold you
And love you
For always and always

(2x)
Only love can break a heart
Only love can mend it again

[Zuraffo]

^^^ Oh that's just so BBM. Totally, 100% BBM
 

[BayCityJohn]

Here's another Gene Pitney BBM song:

Town Without Pity (Tiomkin/Washington)


When you're young and so in so in love as we
And bewildered by the world we see
Why do people hurt us so
Only those in love would know
What a town without pity can do

If we stop to gaze upon a star
People talk about how bad we are
Ours is not an easy age
We're like tigers in a cage
What a town without pity can do

Though young have problems, many problems
We need an understanding heart
Why don't they help us, try to help us?
Before this clay and granite planet falls apart

Take these eager lips and hold me fast
I'm afraid this kind of joy can't last
How can we keep love alive
How can anything survive
When these little minds tear you in two
What a town without pity can do

How can we keep love alive
How can anything survive
When these little minds tear you in two
What a town without pity can do
No it isn't very pretty what a town without pity
Can do

[neatfreak]

Mejack, I've been traveling the past few days. I was able to get online only for minutes at a time, but I found the posts of your entire story. I was able to copy it to my computer quickly, and yesterday I sat at the airport and read it from start to finish. I have followed your sweet and painful journey over the past weeks, but this was the first time I read it in its entirety.

I am tearing up as I recall it once again. My heart swells for the love that you and Billy shared, so pure. I know that people were watching me as tears rolled down my cheeks. I didn't care. I almost wanted them to ask me so that I could share your story with them. Yours is a beautiful story, and I am grateful for the privilege of knowing it. Thank you. Thank you.

neatfreak

P.S. Thanks, too, to the person who compiled all the posts together.