How Brokeback affected me

[darryl]

I am not sure that Ennis is at odds with himself.  At the end of the story he is forty (or nearly) and is not likely to change anytime soon in pursuit of another relationship with a man.  In this the film is tragic in the classical sense; Ennis is destroyed, but finds places of grandeur and beauty within himself and with Jack that he otherwise would not have had.  The (almost) unbearable sadness we feel with Ennis at the end of the story is that this is over for him.  Jack and he were really only happy when they were together, and the possibility for that happiness is now gone forever.

The film affected me in two ways - with a piercing sadness which passed fairly quickly, and with an abiding joy, for obvious reasons.  We can envy them!  Three or four trips a year on horseback in the mountains hunting and fishing with the love of your life!!??  Pencil me in!!

[mountain boy]

Three or four trips a year on horseback in the mountains hunting and fishing with the love of your life!!??  Pencil me in!!

Wow - nicely said darryl!

[BTG]

I was very very moved by BBM, in fact I've been thinking about it all day since I saw it last night.  I think I relate to both characters
(possibly Ennos moreso), and this film, for me at least, had a powerful emotional punch.  I looked around the movie theatre after the lights came on and saw quite a few women who were crying and were very moved by the film as well.  It might be fair to say
that it had such a strong emotional impact for me because I'm a masculine, eligible gay man (and boy has this film made me feel lonely, more lonely than I've felt for a long time, it find it interesting that the first few postings in this thread have said the same) but it has the emotional impact it has because of the subject material.  At some level this is a new exploration for everyone.  Not only have gay people not been presented with such sympathetic and tragic characters with such style and depth since...I don't know, (this is the first Ang Lee film I've seen), but straight people haven't either.  It would be disingenuous for straights to pretend they don't understand homophobia, that it doesn't strike a chord in all of us at some level.  We've all been
through the teen years and every straight teen has imagined what it would be like to be suspected of being gay.  Every straight can imagine what it might be like to be gay in Wyoming in the 60s, heck Matthew Shepard died horribly so recently.  This film IS
political and that's part of its magic.  That's why it's emotional, and why it can pack such a punch for straights with the emotional intelligence to think about things a bit differently, and for straight men who can identify possibly more closely with gay male
characters in this film than they might ever have.  The power of this film is that the characters are so unconventional, so sympathetic, glamourous even, trapped, tragic and gay, and every straight who sees this film is likely to reflect on times in their own
lives when they've observed homosexuality and homophobia, they'll think of the gay people they know, they may remember a time when they might have feared (even if only briefly) being wrongly perceived as gay, and it will make them THINK and FEEL, which is what new political films can do if they're good.  I can imagine that there are people who won't be as impressed with this film as I am, but this will be in spite of this aspect of the film.  A political film can have a certain resonance because of where it takes us and how it makes us feel about our experience, ourselves and the people we know.  Of course this isn't the case
with all so-called political films, I liked Summer of Love very much, possibly my favourite gay film after this, but I didn't like Mysterious Skin at all.  I tend to be fairly hard on gay films because I find a lot of them can get something of a free ride as they deal with novel gay themes and push an envelope and educate straight audiences to some degree, but they don't speak to me because they don't do much more than that.  Mysterious skin and L.I.E. were two films that I might have found interesting if I was straight.  BBM is somehow something very different and new.  I like to think that the women who were crying in the
audience would agree with me, this is a powerful film.
The best art is timeless, and the political punch packs less as times change it's true, but I think BBM will stand up quite well for even if future generations have no memory of anything close to the homophobia that killed Matthew Shepard, the film does
a fine job of serving it up cold.  It's a very atmospheric film.  And the superb acting, the character development and the very smart script don't hurt none either.  BBM does something new for characterization with gay characters, Ennos and Jack seem much more 3D and tragic than any gay characters I can remember seeing in any film (please respond with alternative suggestions).  Maybe I can't put it in words as well as I thought I could, but it was worth a shot, the film's stayed with me and it's been on my mind all day.       

[Lance]

i read the story a few days ago. haven't seen the movie. but the story nailed me to the wall in front of a mirror i couldn't look away from. i saw that i am ''nowhere and nothing''. Jack and Ennis made me see that courage is the most important thing if you want to be yourself and have love and life. i have always held back from going for what i want; fear is the reason i did it. i have not been brave enough in any part of my life, but most of all in seeking love. actually, avoiding it, even when i suspect it is there. never making a first move. waiting. and waiting until too late and the chance was gone. i guess i breathed a sigh of relief to avoid all that potential emotional upset or society's disapproval or rejection in case i wasn't really seeing the signs i thought i saw, thinking that i was just seeing what i wanted to see, but that it wasn't really there. and i might lose a friend. or make an enemy. bravery is what it's all about.

as i read the story of Ennis and Jake my throat got tighter and tighter, and i cried at the end for every chance i'd ever let go. and i've not had a moment's peace since then. i'm not sure that i could stand seeing the movie even if i could get a ride and buy a ticket. [not currently working. gotta save the cash for keeping the body alive. alive for what, i wonder. i feel right now that my life has been wasted with small pleasures substituting for great passions. right now, that small peace and limited pleasure i've had by letting love pass by is not worth it. the pain of that realisation is.. is making me cry right now.

it isn't as though i've not had opportunities when i was younger. i live in Orlando, so there are probably at least 50,000 or more gay people here. but gutlessness will kill you.

[CellarDweller115]

How it affected me???

Well, it re-affirmed to me the belife that the type of love Jack and Ennis had is possible, and I deserve to have that too.  I came to this decision about a year ago, when I decided to take chances and placed a personal ad.  After a few misses, I have finally met someone, and we are dating.

I think I got more of a sense of pride and anticipation as I walked out of the theater at the end of the movie.  I remember thinking....."This is gonna help people change how they think.  People will come away from this, and realize we all don't lisp, and prance around all swishy, with limp wrists, acting like a bunch of "man whores", looking for sex, but not love."

[Lance]

CellarDweller, congratulations on finding the courage to find someone and have what you should have.

i certainly wish that your hopes for the effect of the film come true. the attitudes of American society at large have hurt too many people for too long.

[Sam in Chicago]

Hey Lance,

Thank you for telling your story, it is very moving. Yes, there's something very important here, and it's what I was trying to get at in my other post, too, but you hit the nail on the head: Courage. Having the courage to be fully who you are. I've realized that in so many ways I've taken the easy way out in life, I've not had the courage to do what I really wanted to do. Or I've settled when I could have tried harder or held out for something more--a greater passion in everything from love and relationships to work and career. What is so fascinating about Ennis is that he is so tough and strong--tells himself he can stand anything, put up with any grief or hardship, as he has had to do all his life, yet ultimately, he lacks courage. Jack is the more courageous one. Ennis lives trying to protect himself in a way; he thinks that by being strong all the time, by not giving in to what he really needs/wants/loves, he can avoid any additional pain, but he only ends up even more tortured for doing so. What a truly mind-blowing character he is.

i feel right now that my life has been wasted with small pleasures substituting for great passions.

What a brilliant and painful observation--I feel exactly the same way....

Peace, courage and happiness to you.

[Charlie]

There was a Dec. 18 article in the NY Times about "real-life" gay cowboys, including one who almost committed suicide. There is also an op-ed piece by Frank Rich optimistically predicting that within years, even the obligatory "as long as it's not called marriage" reservation that some have about gay/lesbian unions will evaporate. I wish I could provide links but you have to pay for them on the site now.

I was looking forward to this movie for months, because I loved the idea of two hot guys going at it on the big screen. I love Ang Lee's stuff, and I already loved the work of Gyllenhall and Ledger (particularly in  Monsters Ball). But I didn't know this movie would affect me so profoundly. Seeing it a second time only made me cry more, not less. It just cuts little holes in my heart, letting every sentimental, "why can't we all just get along," "why can't true love prevail" girly romantic heartstring underneath my cynical chest spit blood.

As a naive college frosh, I developed a crush on an older guy who had the same kind of blond, boyish good looks that Heath Ledger has. I soon found out that he had left the college for five years due to being gay-bashed. By the time he returned, our liberal arts college had launched a big "multicultural" progressive wave and was quite different. He truly was one of those friends who changed the way I looked at life, expanded my cultural horizons and enriched me...him being gay had absolutely  nothing to do with any of it. But the idea of someone like him having to leave the school because of ignorant "college-educated" bigots was shocking and woke my suburban-LA-coddled self to what cruel reality can be like.

I'm very spoiled having lived in diverse communities of LA and NYC all my life. Even when I dated women, it was more socially acceptable and even considered "hot." While truly annoying and offensive, those reactions from men weren't life-threatening. Brandon Teena, Matthew Shepard, and countless other incidents show that reactions can be much worse. And this movie, a work of art, depicts tragedy on so many levels...including the victims like the wives. Nobody comes out a winner when love is thwarted by fear and bigotry.

In my dreams, Ennis stops Jack from getting back into the truck and driving to Mexico...why did he tell him he was getting divorced, anyway, thus getting his hopes up like that?

because he thought he could confide in a friend.

I think that Ennis was right to stay where he could be close to his children. 

[Lance]

thanks, Sam. all things good and great to you, too.

since i wrote out in public about how the story affects me, i feel a bit better. not that the writing of it solves my problems in any way, but it seems to have the effect of releasing some of the pressure, the feeling of constantly being on the edge of emotional breakdown. i'm not sure that's entirely good; it might be better to use that emotional energy to do something to change my ways if possible. maybe there's some thread of self-destruction or feeling of unworthiness under all of what i've done that would keep me from changing no matter what i tried to change. i don't know.

[BillN]

since i wrote out in public about how the story affects me, i feel a bit better. not that the writing of it solves my problems in any way, but it seems to have the effect of releasing some of the pressure, the feeling of constantly being on the edge of emotional breakdown. i'm not sure that's entirely good; it might be better to use that emotional energy to do something to change my ways if possible. maybe there's some thread of self-destruction or feeling of unworthiness under all of what i've done that would keep me from changing no matter what i tried to change. i don't know.

Lance, you are probably fine, it is the power of the story that has affected so many that is bringing up emotions many of us struggle with. I have said on earlier posts that the movie brought loniliness I hadn't felt in a long time, and others have had the same comments that are now living alone. Great movies have the power to connect with people on an emotional level that they don't ordinarily feel, at least you have made that connection, I think that is a tribute. If you can't change it, you gotta stand it - hopefully with some help from all the kind souls you find here.

[Sam in Chicago]

Lance, yeah, writing about it and reading what other people have to say has definitely helped me, too. I don't know, I don't necessarily think trying to keep yourself on the edge of emotional breakdown would be a good thing. Writing about it, talking about it, listening to others' experiences, I think that's all part of working things out for yourself. But, I know what you mean--I'm wary of falling back into the comatose way of leading my life that I've been in for so long--I want to somehow harness this energy, too.  Take care.

[lightsrays05]

It made me realise vivedly, once again, that no matter how much you want to give, and try and fight some people are not brave/willing/ready to go where you want them to go with you.

And worst than living it first-hand, long ago with your fresh, idealistic innocence, full of hopes and dreams, is re-living the reality that life brought you.

In a movie theater.

In the dark.

As everynight that you've tried so hard to forget since then.

But this time the lights, not of your imagination, but of other people's imagination, forces you to re-live all that you couldn't live, but fought so hard to!

Yet, it is true that "If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it,".

As much as you can.

A very sad, but beautiful movie.

On many levels.

[brokebacktom]

Lance All of us are going through some sort of pain, lost for this story.  I know I am bit whay we can do is help w/ the feelings and encourage growth.  Things are going to get better.  Take care,

TOM

[Lance]

thanks, guys, i appreciate the efforts to make me feel better. and it's good, in a way, that i know there are other people who go through the same thing, but i wish none of us had to.

[BillN]

thanks, guys, i appreciate the efforts to make me feel better. and it's good, in a way, that i know there are other people who go through the same thing, but i wish none of us had to.

Lance, I'd agree that it would be great if none of us had to go through a fight for acceptance or at least toleration, but if you are true to yourself, you can gain strength from that. The reactions we've had to Brokeback is what Ang Lee and Annie Proulx wanted because this story is about the human condition, and we can empathize with the characters because we have been or at least strongly relate. Keep you chin up, the fact the film has affected you says you haven't hardened your heart or deceived yourself of your true self.