How Brokeback affected me

[andy]

Well maybe he'll just see this post?
Bless you friend.

[paintedshoes]

Oh, Paul, dear, you are not alone.  There are so many people here to listen and understand your pain.  Please, come here often and read stories, share your feelings with each one, know that we are here to hold you up til you can stand on your own.  Loss and loneliness may not disappear, but they can be borne, be lessened by a caring group of friends.  Welcome.

[bradINblue]

Oh Paul.................

[hayek_uk]

Wow, I did enjoy the Baftas last night, my first night back after 10 days away (in Spain), without BBM or access to the internet.

It was a good holiday, but the feelings I had a lot of the time were horrible. If there wasn't something else completely occupying my attention, I felt very lonely and miserable without some reminder of BBM to read or look at. I thought about episodes in the film/story from time to time, and they made me feel very lost. I went with my partner and two friends - the topic came up from time to time, but not in such a way that it was possible to talk about feelings. And the feelings of being lost, alone did not go away.

I get very sad and cry when I see movie excerpts or photos, or read analyses and comments on these boards; and I cry with pride or happiness for the actors when I see them interviewed, or they get awards --- it is immediate and in some way fulfilling. But without BBM, without the pictoral or verbal stimuli and without the human communication of these board, it just seems empty.

I can't decide for sure what to make of this. But it has occurred to me (and this been stated more or less explicitly by some people) that the depth of emotional upheaval is an opportunity for change and personal renewal. I would perhaps put it somewhat more "psychoanalytically" - that the depth and intensity of the emotions triggered by all aspects of "Brokeback" is like a collapse of the strength of the ego (all the old ways of doing things, old beliefs, old patterns, old justifications, old certainties). This is an essential precursor to major personal change, and might occur only once or twice, or at most only a few times, in a whole lifetime. And then people often do not recognise it, or deliberately turn away from it (as Ennis did??)

But it can be an opportunity to discontinue all kinds of beliefs and behaviours that are no longer worthwhile, and strike out with confidence and hope in new directions. But the window of opportunity is not long - the ego rebuilds and becomes rigid again very quickly, and even if things have been changed somewhat, they are likely to get "frozen" at the stage that has been achieved by the time things "come together" unbreakably again. When it happens, whether or not we know it or analyse it, we can sense how powerfully wonderful and liberating this experience of "ego collapse" can be. I think that perhaps for me and many others this is (at least part of) what we are experiencing.

But many of the other things that often trigger this ego change often initiate, show clearly, or at least indicate where to go, and what to do, that will build a positive new self and a better life. This is not true with the BBM experience. We feel a dramatic internal revolution, revisiting with great clarity and emotional force seminal episodes and periods in our lives. But then what? There are lots of things we can suggest with some thought - but thought is not the way to effect this. It has to come from deep in the emotions, experience and intuition.

I would suggest there perhaops there is an instinctive recognition of the need to intensify and prolong the BBM experience if it is to prove beneficial. The film tells us clearly what not to do, what not to continue doing, or at least the likely price that will be paid for doing so. It tells us all that. But the positive we need to replace it with is not self-evident, and not the same for any two individuals. That has to be discovered, and discovered before the opportunity to act on it closes off.

So the wonderful, deepening and shared prolongation of the BBM experience feels much better than "trying" to break the "addiction" before new possibilities are discovered and adopted. By contrast, the experience of my holiday was one of slow recovery of ego strngth, loss of affect and "freezing" of the sadness without anything positive. It suggests to me that the next few weeks will be very important indeed for those who feel strongly about this movie and its stars (whose psychological impact is also very strong because of the huge "archetypal" force they represent).

jpq716 said this a few postings ago:

I think that we have to remember that Brokeback Mountain is, fundamentally, a tragedy, a tragedy not merely of a proscribed lifestyle but also of a deep, complex personal relationship, and that the reason why it resonates so strongly, not merely with gay people but also with straight people as well, is because it reminds us that life is, basically, tragic. Seeing Brokeback Mountain makes us committed to re-examining our lives, to reconsidering life-choices that may have been made too quickly and too easily, and to taking another chance on life on the rare occasion when the “restless, hungry heart” --- which has such wisdom in such matters --- gives us the green light to take that chance. But all of these considerations occur, must occur, within a fundamental awareness of the inherently tragic nature of life.

That is also a way of seeing things - as long as they are left at the intellectual level. I think things can be more profound and much more optimistic if allow emotional forces to "take command" - but that is so much easier to say than do. As Ennis showed in trumps.

[whiplash]

Paul, thinking about you and hoping, wishing, praying that dreams really do come true.

[NickInIdaho]

I haven't been able to talk to anybody about Billy for fifty years. Finally, a group of people who I know will understand. After three times at BBM, I think I have the courage to tell some of  it. 

Suddenly, after fifty years, all those emotions came flooding back into my mind. If only I could see him one more time.  If I could only know where he is and what his life is like.  I began searching. But it's been a dead end. My mind is still in turmoil.  And yes, reality has begun to set in.  I still think of Billy as a young man.  He's 72 now, if he's alive at all. He probably doesn't even remember me.  Of course he does. I'm the one who told him a thousand times that I'd always love him. And I do.

Thank you Heath and Jake and Ang. Thanks Ennis and Jack.  But I feel so alone now. . .

Paul 

Wow, Paul, my heart goes out to you. As everyone said, you are not alone. We are here to help. Please allow yourself to be comforted by the words this group will offer you. I promise - it will help!

My thought are with you -

Nick

[Island_boy]

Island Boy - I'm thrilled to hear it opened uncensored in Singapore. But even better is the way you found yourself in the film - going deeper into it. Such an extraordinary experience for us all.
Dave

For a draconian place like ours, having it uncensored is indeed very surprising.

[Island_boy]

Island boy, welcome to brokaholics.
I'll be in Singapore next Sunday/Monday. Do you know how long the movie is on for?

I think you can still catch it next Sunday. Movies typically come and go in 2 weeks here, regardless of whether its a blockbuster or not.... by next Sun/Mon, I reckon it'll be irregular showtimes. Ain't sure..

[andy]

I thought the movie was banned in China but there's a youtube  clip of Ang doing an interview. Maybe someone can tell us where it's coming from if not China?

[andy]

Thanx Islandboy, I'll bear that in mind. I'll be at the Westin stamford so it's pretty central.

[bradINblue]

But it can be an opportunity to discontinue all kinds of beliefs and behaviours that are no longer worthwhile, and strike out with confidence and hope in new directions. But the window of opportunity is not long - the ego rebuilds and becomes rigid again very quickly, and even if things have been changed somewhat, they are likely to get "frozen" at the stage that has been achieved by the time things "come together" unbreakably again. When it happens, whether or not we know it or analyse it, we can sense how powerfully wonderful and liberating this experience of "ego collapse" can be. I think that perhaps for me and many others this is (at least part of) what we are experiencing.

hayek, you have nailed it, and I have made certain observations. In the city I live, there is an area that has a few porno shops and an all-male "Steam" (bath, come on). While I've never been in the place, I know it has been very popular. A gay couple Steve and I tried to have a friendship with, but just couldn't because they wanted more than friendship, frequented it and went on about how crowded and "hot" it was. Also, working near it and passing it frequently during my shift, I noted the parking lot, the street around it, and adjacent parkinglots often full. Since BBM, the place appears to be a ghost town. Friday night when my shift ended at 1:00, I drove by enroute to the precinct. Three cars in the lot and no one on the street in front of the place. I have also noticed these porno shops look abandon. Tweakers and dope dealers still go in and out, but it appears the bulk of the business is gone.

Perhapes this is examples of "discontinue all kinds of beliefs and behaviours"...? Post BBM? I hope. I also will be sorry when business picks back up, and based on your theory, it probably will.

As described in my post in the 150's, this has completely changed my life, and I am certain should I lose the love of my life, I will never fold back into that which I always thought was the "lifestyle." Thank you hayek, for such thoughful analysis--and again, you are certainly on to something.

Brad

[justmeincal]

OT - Oh my God, the shirts just sold for US $101,100.51  !!!!!!!

[Mejack]

andy, paintedshoes, bradINblue, whiplash, and NickInIdaho . . .
I felt so alone, and no one I could talk to. Now, within an hour of my post, five who care
Thank you each one. You've been a blessing to me already.

Paul

[paintedshoes]

andy, paintedshoes, bradINblue, whiplash, and NickInIdaho . . .
I felt so alone, and no one I could talk to. Now, within an hour of my post, five who care
Thank you each one. You've been a blessing to me already.

Paul

And this is just the beginning, honey.  We ain't goin' anywhere and I for one have very broad shoulders if you need them...to lean on or cry on.

[BillN]

I think you can still catch it next Sunday. Movies typically come and go in 2 weeks here, regardless of whether its a blockbuster or not.... by next Sun/Mon, I reckon it'll be irregular showtimes. Ain't sure..

Old Brokeback got you good...I liked the way you put your answer Island_boy